


Peter Parker (going crazy on Twitter) in quarantine.

by zimnokurw



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Peter Parker, Flash Thompson Redemption, Italian Tony Stark, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Quentin Beck is not a Bad Guy, Smart Peter Parker, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Twitter, but not aromantic!, chaotic energy all the time, he has more jake gyllenhaal energy here, its quarantine and it's ughhh, more like half-italian but u get the point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimnokurw/pseuds/zimnokurw
Summary: just your usual twitter fic where peter parker is technically an intern but if you asked the public,, then tony stark is a dad. + peter's aca dec team, avengers, and later on... peter's crush on *someone*
Relationships: Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming) & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Quentin Beck/Peter Parker, gonna be adding more as we go??
Comments: 179
Kudos: 1303





	1. omg yall

**Author's Note:**

> i officially abandoned the tt fic i made ages ago and decided to try that again but in a different way. (this one is supposed to be more chill and funny??) i think i learned a thing or two but guess we’ll see.

**uh peter @parkours**

omg yall i got myself twitter

|

**uh peter @parkours**

.@inthechair @blcdahlia guys send me like handle? or usernames? or whatever that is of people from deca team cuz it’s really empty in here on my feed & and it looks depressing ngl

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

im gonna just add you to the gc, wait a sec while i prepare everyone 

  
  


* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**mj @blcdahlia** attention, attention,

**mj @blcdahlia** im adding parker here cuz he just made an acc

**cindy moon @ccandym** oh finally

**ned @inthechair** just,, like,, prepare yourselves for what’s about to come??

**betty brant @bbant** what does that mean??

**mj @blcdahlia** he’s in a bit odd mood

**mj @blcdahlia** un-like parker u know from school one would say

**ned @inthechair** u’ve been warned, you cannot sue

_mj @blcdahlia added uh peter @parkours _

**uh peter @parkours** omg heay yall

**abe brown @thatisfalse** welcome to the twitter world

**charles murphey @charlieboi** once u’ve entered u won’t escape

**betty brant @bbant** hi peter!!

**Roger Harrington @RHarrington** Hello, Peter. It’s good that once again a Decathlon member joins us here. You’ll find it very convenient!

**flash thompson @intheflash** you came, you can leave now

**uh peter @parkours** omg yall are so nice uwu

**ned @inthechair** am i the only one laughing cuz i look at flash’s text and then peter’s

**sally avril @arlielvril** lmao

**uh peter @parkours** omg did you guys know you can actually change nicknames here??

**ned @inthechair** peter no

**abe brown @thatisfalse** peter no

**uh peter @parkours** peTER YES just give me a sec

_ uh peter @parkours has been renamed ima hack y’aLL _

_mj @blcdahlia_ _has been renamed queen is ONE_

_ ned @inthechair has been renamed leeds weeds _

_ cindy moon @ccandym has been renamed noon moon  _

_ sally avril @arlielvril has been renamed sal-e _

_ Roger Harrington @RHarrington has been renamed mr harrington sir _

_ charles murphey @charlieboi has been renamed johnny murphy _

_ abe brown @thatisfalse has been renamed ab lincoln U.S. _

_ flash thompson @intheflash has been renamed idk who?? _

_ betty brant @bbant has been renamed ants are LIT _

**ima hack y’aLL** yup this is what we (in queens) call ‘well done boy!’ 

**ab lincoln U.S.** ugh? i feel honored?

**queen is ONE** well i cant exactly disagree with mine

**johnny murphy** y tho

**ima hack y’aLL** cuz last name and that actor ya know or u dont know if not better not 2 speak up just stay silent n’ keep the rest of ur dignity to urself BUT in my intentions it was supposed 2 b a compliment

**idk who??** PARKER

**ima hack y’aLL** last time i checked it was me. a wild guess but prolly still am

**noon moon** damn i never knew peter was this funny with how quiet he mostly is in school

**sal-e** rigHT?!

**ants are LIT** excuse me while i ask but what abt me?

**ima hack y’aLL** cuz ur user(?) is bbant so u know ANT and ANTS are totally LIT but is it somehow offending or uncomfortable cuz i can change it really fast??

**ants are LIT** haha im fine i was just curious 

**idk who??** PARKER

**ima hack y’aLL** OMH I JUST GOT AN IDEA IMA GO BE A GENIUS

**leeds weeds** peter?

**leeds weeds** maybe that’s enough of crazy for one day??

**ima hack y’aLL** sure jan. WATCH ME

**ima hack y’aLL** gotta yeet and send a tweet fellas

**noon moon** alright i dont know what this quarantine did to peter but he’s doing amazing i love it

**johnny murphy** petition for more peter like this

**ants are LIT** signed

**idk who??** PARKER YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE I CANT CHANGE THIS

**sal-e** oh i’ll definitely sign that petition for myself and my rabbit 

  
  


* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

.@ironman,, so uh,, i got? like?? twitter? 

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Omg, kiddo. I’m honestly surprised it took you so long.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

quarantine isn’t really what got me tho, that’s just a cover story

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

What was it then?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i was facetime(-ing) w/mj (this like younger version of tasha right) and she? basically ordered me to?? 

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

awh you poor child

|

**uh peter @parkours**

indeed mr. stark! so now i politely ask for avengers’ @ ?? of those who have accs here. (puppy eyes are on)

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

I’ll just add you to Avengers’ dm, we keep everyone there.

  
  


* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**johnny murphy** is peter just casually tweeting with TONY STARK what

**leeds weeds** ugh he said he has si internship, not his fault u didnt believe him

**ab lincoln U.S.** im sorry but was flash just personally stepped on or was he personally stepped on

**queen is ONE** stabbed with a knife right through his back and his left lung collapsed 

**ants are LIT** one evening, so many emotions..

* * *

**group dm; avengers™**

_ Tony Stark @ironman added uh peter @parkours _

**uh peter @parkours** hi everyone! brb i gotta follow yall

**natasha romanov @blackwidow** hi kiddo

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot** oh finally

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc** petey aaaaa

**loki @snakeygod** isn’t it some cruel ‘joke’? did i really live to see this day?

**uh peter @parkours** omg ayee i’m back

**uh peter @parkours** oh no

**uh peter @parkours** u have just those plain and boring names??

**uh peter @parkours** give me a sec! one sec!

**Tony Stark @ironman** DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

**THOR @GodOfThunder** I, on the other hand, am very fond of Young Peter. I am very eager to see his idea. 

_ uh peter @parkours changed the name ‘avengers tm’ to ‘the weakest heroes & peter’ _

**bucky @jbbarnes** i think i just bled a little

**Tony Stark @ironman** ;oo

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica** Everyone stay calm. 

_ Steve Rogers @CptAmerica has been renamed mr good and righteous _

_ natasha romanov @blackwidow has been renamed tashatashaatash _

_ clint barton @hawkeyeofc has been renamed birdbrain _

_ Sam Wilson @TheFalcon has been renamed hottie for stev _

_ bucky @jbbarnes has been renamed one more cookie pls _

_ Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot has been renamed uncle rhodeyy _

_ Bruce Banner @doctorhulk has been renamed genius of us aLL _

_ loki @snakeygod has been renamed HE’S ADOPTED _

_ THOR @GodOfThunder has been renamed the sexiest avenger  _

_ Tony Stark @ironman has been renamed big softie _

_ uh peter @parkours has been renamed the important one _

**the important one** ALL DONE

**the sexiest avenger** It is very nice of you. Thank you, Young Peter. 

**birdbrain** omg sam was exposed sam is oVER

**big softie** aha???????

**tashatashaatash** and im cool like always lmao

**mr good and righteous** It stopped being funny 70 years ago.

**uncle rhodeyy** awh, junior. you’re my favorite nephew.

**HE’S ADOPTED** yes i am and i am very happy it has been considered 

**big softie** PETER WHY CANT I CHANGE MY STUPID NAME IN THIS STUPID DM ON THIS STUPID APP

**the important one** i might have / or i might have not hacked the dm so that you wouldn’t go and destroy this pure aesthetic image tm thank you you’re welcome

* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**idk who??** parker how the fuck did you hack twitter to respond to yourself from IRON MAN’s account

**ima hack y’aLL** i dont know maybe u should buy a braincell or sth

**johnny murphy** our boi peter snaps??

**ab lincoln U.S.** peter said: im tired of ur bullshit flash   
  


* * *

**meme queen @wakandanprincess**

my white boi is twitter boi hi hi hi @parkours

|

**uh peter @parkours**

shuri aaa this is crazy everyone’s screaming (cuz excitement) one person out of fear (spoiler alert: its mr stark) this timeline is gold we shall protect it at all cost,, dm now now?

|

**meme queen @wakandanprincess**

dm now now  
  


* * *

**ned @inthechair**

bro u barely just got urself this acc and u have thousands ppl following you alreadydsfiehfiuerhf

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ugh right? should i make it private or is it too late? im still not sure what im doin here

|

**ned @inthechair**

leave it public, it’ll be fun

* * *

**Tony Stark @ironman**

one (1) teenager + the avengers

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

@parkours today you’re excused but one more raid like that and you’re grounded (off-limits).

|

**uh peter @parkours**

wHAT’S OFF LIMITS

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

EVERYTHING IS

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

ok hi hello im here to say goodbye to everyone (not cuz mr stark told me to go to bed i just got tired all by myself) so dream about bees and remember to eat breakfast bye!!

|

**melissass @ironstan**

who are you? + ily for the chaos in avengers’ gc

* * *

**matseven @winkiies**

who is this kid and why does it look like a legend of twitter was born right in front of our eyes @parkours @ironman

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


**uh peter @parkours**

just now finding out that giraffes curl and use their bums as pillows when they sleep and i just- guess i’ll die

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

kid, it’s 2am you should be asleep 

|

**uh peter @parkours**

BUT I AM ASLEEP i am very asleep

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i mean u woudlnt believe how aslepp i was even if u saw it urself

|

**uh peter @parkours**

im just sleepwalking on twitter mr iron man

|

**uh peter @parkours**

OMG HE’S COMING

|

**uh peter @parkours**

HE’S HEEEWREUHFQIEGAI

  
  


* * *

**Tony Stark @ironman**

It is past Peter’s bedtime, stop tweeting him and go to sleep yourself you all.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments cuz feedback is literally what i live for; you can say what you wanna see here cuz imma prolly need some ideas soon!! 
> 
> btw i see yall reading this in the middle of the night,, go to sleep


	2. #whoispeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **alicia @starkstan**  
>  OH MY GOD BUT,, AND BEAR WITH ME HERE,, TONY STARK IS A DAD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think the chapter ended up longer than it was supposed to be

**bite me @tashsqueen**

#whoispeter i gotta know dudes @parkours @blcdahlia @inthechair @ironman

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i am human (mostly)

|

**jacob @macncheese**

what does mostly mean??

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

he’s also a loser

|

**ned @inthechair**

and a dumbass

|

**uh peter @parkours**

OH

|

**uh peter @parkours**

,,thought you were bae turns out you’re just fam

* * *

**melissass @ironstan**

who are you? + ily for the chaos in avengers’ gc

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ok but u dont have all the facts

|

**melissass @ironstan**

such as?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i LIVE to make mr stark stressed like that so he types ‘??????’ or in caps oop-

|

**meme queen @wakandanprincess**

in conclusion, we stan even harder than before

* * *

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Peter Parker is SI intern as well as my personal intern. He is also a minor so I don’t want to see any scooping in his life or any articles about him. If I do, I’m gonna sue every single one of you.

* * *

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Peter Parker is our intern. He is still in high school but an exceptional young man with a brilliant mind and we are lucky to have him. Any kind of harassment towards him will be dealt with by our lawyers.

|

**dardarr @dbringham**

so the world got like a new genius?? not complaining

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

you can say we dumbasses but at least we out here looking cUTE sis

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

You are both literally geniuses. No one will call you dumbasses, sweetie.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yea so why is my alleged ‘best friend’ @inthechair calling me a dumbass about 15 times a day

|

**ned @inthechair**

cuz i was your bff since we were kiddies, i earned it

|

**uh peter @parkours**

*sigh* i hate that it makes sense

* * *

**alicia @starkstan**

OH MY GOD BUT,, AND BEAR WITH ME HERE,, TONY STARK IS A DAD.

|

**ave avengers @fanacconly**

right?? i don’t believe one bit of that ‘intern’ shit. we’ve just seen dad side of tony stark for the 1st time and it SUITS HIM as hell

|

**alicia @starkstan**

@parkours tony stark came to your bedroom yesterday to get you to sleep?? do you like- live in the stark tower or?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yup i live in the tower. my aunt is a nurse so she’s close to the virus so she & mr stark & ms pepper decided it’d be better for me to quarantine at the tower seeing as i had my own room in the penthouse already and was used to staying some weekends and weekdays here and there

|

**uh peter @parkours**

also id go totally crazy just sitting in my smoll apartment and at the tower is more people (im a people person usually) and A LAB where im spending 87% of my life w/mr stark + occasionally dr banner

|

**greeny beany @onmission**

why w dr banner occasionally?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

me & mr stark work in mr stark’s lab and dr banner has his own on a different floor so he only pops in sometimes as a guest or when i visit him in his

|

**aye captain @usass**

you dont have your own lab then?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

buddy im just a lowkey intern,, b4 the corona i was working in the intern labs + mr stark’s but now i kinda just stick to mr stark’s cuz ya know self-isolation

* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**uh peter** ah yes

 **uh peter** what i feared the most has happened

 **betty brant** what happened

 **uh peter** the names r back 2 normal

 **charles murphey** didn’t u say u hacked it?

 **uh peter** yep but i also hacked avengers dm and mr stark is no fun and asked friday to get everything back to normal

 **uh peter** and she apparently got everything like not ave everything but everything

 **abe brown** who’s friday??

 **ned** mr stark’s artifical intelligence

 **cindy moon** oh right cuz apparently peter knows tony stark and the avengers

 **uh peter** i have internship

 **flash thompson** that’s bullshit

 **Roger Harrington** Please don’t curse. I know you are forgetting it sometimes, but I am still here.

 **charles murphey** will do sir

 **sally avril** but some lowkey intern wouldnt know the avengers

 **flash thompson** and LIVE IN TONY STARK’S PENTHOUSE

 **ned** should we tell em

 **uh peter** no

 **ned** should i tell em

 **uh peter** NED

 **ned** sorry sorry

 **mj** u losers rlly r stupid

 **abe brown** ok but tell us WHAT

 **mj** i u looked closely u’d know long time ago

**peter**

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

can we just have that on the record that im super disappointed finding out wanda isn’t on twitter? :(

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

don’t u both live in the same tower?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

its not the same *sigh*

|

**scarlet witch stans @maximoff**

the stans are disappointed as well, we feel you

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

omg u know how sometimes u just get an idea in your head but u think that it’s just an idea thats gonna be lost along side other 100 of them but say it out loud anyway?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i said my idea out loud in the lab and mr stark liked it,, and we’re gonna act on it,, IM SO EXCITED U GUYS WDWHFIAGBA

|

**alicia @starkstan**

what is it?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

confidential for now till we work some paperwork or stm

|

**ned @inthechair**

can you tell me?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yea lemme call you

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

ok but spider-man is the biggest dumbass and im about to prove it

|

**uh peter @parkours**

do u wanna know how he revealed his identity to the avengers (except mr stark cuz he knew him already)??

|

**bio webs @spiderguy**

yes sir please sir

|

**uh peter @parkours**

spider-man (to all the avengers gathered around): now let’s be honest. how many of you know that my name is [says his name]?

the avengers:

spider-man: thank thor nobody

spider-man (a second later): oh shit–

|

**avengers bs @imaginesig**

you know spider-man?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yea im his mechanic basically

|

**fatal creation @coltbaudou**

what is he like??

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

peter and spidey both share one brain cell

|

**uh peter @parkours**

if it wasn’t true id be very offended rn

**god of storm @notthorithink**

spider-man says ‘thor’ instead of ‘god’ in casual sentences. that’s it. that’s the content.

* * *

**group dm; the avengers**

**Steve Rogers** Peter, why did you write that tweet about spider man in third person if that’s a lie?

 **uh peter** 1st of all it’s spider-man with a hyphen

 **uh peter** & 2nd of all it’s calleds e c r e t i d e n t i t ymr america

 **Tony Stark** yeah. the kid writes about spidey as if they were buddies because when someone will try to figure out his identity they won’t go “maybe that parker intern is the spider-man”

 **Tony Stark** they’ll go “so that parker intern is spidey’s mechanic and friend...”

 **Steve Rogers** Oh, I get it.

 **uh peter** not like it’s rocket science but glad you’re aware of your surroundings

 **clint barton** sjskienend

 **bucky** what exactly is your beef with steve

 **uh peter** im not sure, he’s just ridiculously easy to tease

 **Steve Rogers** ...

 **Col James Rhodes** It’s Tony Junior, you just have to get used to it.

 **natasha romanov** besides, it’s funny

 **Tony Stark** yeah well I’m proud of the kid for that

 **meme queen** we been knew

 **uh peter** shuri since when are you in this gc

 **meme queen** since two days ago when i added myself

 **uh peter** dpiubfpaebg

 **Bruce Banner** this will end badly i just know

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

ok so seeing as i am si intern, imma go and write yall a tweet internship related / for building a discord bot that gets verified:

|

**uh peter @parkours**

first of all you have to choose the library to build your bot that will be communicating with discord’s api; i got stark tech so cant get you my exact way but think about discord.js? (really highly recommend, it should be the easiest)

|

**uh peter @parkours**

then you just follow the docs and start building amazing things!

|

**disaster pan @epancake**

yea i understood shit

|

 **in train(ing) @comput3r** replying to @parkours

that’s cool! thank you, i’ll try to play with it!

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ur welcome!! im excited 4 what ur abt 2 do so good luck!!

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

i have a javascript joke, but its not funcional…

|

**uh peter @parkours**

sir– sir we need you to stop

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

i have a javascript joke but this isn’t it

|

**charles murphey @charlieboi**

AAAAAA NOT AGAIN

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

.@Twitter how come all the avengers are verified on twitter if none of them are verified in the eyes of god??

|

**Twitter @Twitter**

We weren’t aware that’s the case.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yea well u done fucked up

|

**Twitter @Twitter**

Would you like us to un-verify them?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yes please id appreciate it

|

**ned @inthechair**

smsmeksoisjne

|

 **tessi @cappeanut** replying to @Twitter

what is happening

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @parkours

KID.

|

**abe brown @thatisfalse**

i just read it with tony stark’s voice and i shuddered

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

i cant believe i wrote a shit tweet and the official twitter account answered me im gonna yeet myself off of stark tower

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

ur kinda tt famous now, loser. ofc they answered, keeping it fun w/ u gives them good pr

|

 **loki @snakeygod** replying to @parkours

i don’t have anything to do, may i keep you company?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

sure. the more, the merrier

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

yea no i think someone will be taking away your roof/balcony access

|

**uh peter @parkours**

as if there weren’t windows...

* * *

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

if i had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly id have 0 dollars bitch what you thought lmao

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

ur ugly

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

you want the dollar in cash or a cheque?

|

 **Sam Wilson @TheFalcon** replying to @jbbarnes

that’s it. im about to be a single man again.

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

no no darling jk you’re beautiful i love you it was for comedic purposes only i have you on my lockscreen on my phone because you are just so cute

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

well i guess you aren’t so ugly yourself my prince

|

**cinnamon assassin @sgtbarnes**

wait what is happening

|

 **ale @revengers** replying to @jbbarnes and @TheFalcon

are you @jbbarnes @TheFalcon dating ???

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @jbbarnes and @TheFalcon

did you just come out on twitter because of a fake hurt and a fake tweet

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

maybe so

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

and what about it

|

**uh peter @parkours**

these are literally the people in my life i look up to i love them both they are a perfect couple and if i see any hate towards them i will find you and i will fight you

|

**blankie @whitewidow**

the pr team will be having a long night tonight??

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

The PR Team is about to get a raise.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

im so happy this time it’s not me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ppl i got a question; in like 82% twitter fics peter x harley are dating so i dont wanna do that (and im not even shipping them tbh), so! peter x mj or peter x harry osborn??? help me cuz i really cant decide,,, like i ship peter x mj in movies but also i noticed that there's some silent agreement to make twitter fics very gay and peter usually bi so??? peter x who?? 
> 
> ps. i made sambucky ship here cuz i dont and cant ship cap and bucky because i see them as brothers more than anything so- ugh


	3. my god and savior jesus christ i love this kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **uh peter @parkours**  
>  today i heard conspiracy theory that spider-man’s mom fucked a spider, so i’m out here doing the lord’s work: @CptAmerica did your mom fuck america??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now i got a lot of ideas for this fic and in about a week i'll probably have a block

**flash thompson @intheflash**

this uncomfortable moment when you realize you’re an asshole with daddy issues

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

you're last to the party

**direct messages; flash thompson & uh peter**

**flash thompson** Peter, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for bullying you.

 **flash thompson** I called you a liar and laughed at you when you were telling the truth.

 **flash thompson** And that’s on me.

 **flash thompson** And I get that you’re gonna think I’m only apologizing because I realized you know the Avengers, but I genuinely AM sorry.

 **flash thompson** I had my reasons for bullying you that didn’t have anything to do with you and I know it doesn’t excuse me so... sorry for being an asshole. I’ll try not to be.

 **uh peter** I wanna say that I forgive you, because I know that you have problems at home and that was your way of taking it out on someone else, but if I have respect for myself then I can’t forgive you just yet.

 **uh peter** It’s been going for a few years and you really hurt me.

 **uh peter** I’m happy that you realize your mistakes, though, and that you’ll try to do better. I’m rooting for you. And with time, when I see your change, I hope I’ll be able to forgive you fully.

 **flash thompson** thanks

 **uh peter** something happened?

 **flash thompson** my mom finally divorced my father who was the whole reason i felt like shit and had the need to make other people feel like that as well

 **uh peter** im happy for you

 **uh peter** if you need anything, im here

 **flash thompson** thank you

* * *

**avengers fans @stanavw**

@TheFalcon @jbbarnes what letter from LGBTQ+ are you if you don’t mind me asking?

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

im bi and sam is gay

|

**simon @everydaypride**

saw the falcon radiating gay energy long time ago and now i just won a bet, thank you good sir

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

ur welcome

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

ok but seeing as bucky and sam came out, i would like to present to you all: ‘flirting by bucky barnes’

|

**uh peter @parkours**

bucky: you should just accept your flaws, like me

sam: you’ve accepted your flaws?

bucky: no, i’ve accepted y o u r s

|

**joey deserves better @friendsfev**

love is in the air

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @parkours

another day; it was me, buck, and sam in the kitchen and we were eating cereal

bucky (out of nowhere, it was complete silence b4 he spoke): im 60% murder, 80% bisexual and 60% a hero

sam: that’s 200%

bucky: im twice the man you’ll ever be

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

ok listen here you little shit

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

1st of all, i needed to casually tell sam im into guys cuz the history ERASED this fact abt me; and 2nd of all- it worked, didnt it?

|

**ale @revengers**

teach me your ways, oh senpai

|

 **natasha romanov @blackwidow** replying to @parkours

i need to add one situation to this thread. it was when they still pretended to hate each other

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

*barnes was digging through a jar of m&m’s and taking some specific ones out*

me: what r u doing?

barnes: sam really likes the green ones so im separating them

me: that’s sweet!

barnes: what? no. im gonna eat them in front of him and then run.

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

spoiler alert: he didn’t ran far that day

|

**chiara @tioneys**

someone get me romance like this

* * *

**jacob @macncheese**

get you a man who will look at you the way bucky barnes looks at sam wilson

|

**bucky stan @notavillain**

im so happy that gay(s) and bi(s) have representation in the avengers,,, like some homophobe is going to insult you and you can kindly remind him that his life was probably saved by lgbt person cuz sergeant barnes was in the army and sam wilson was in the air force and now theyre still heroes

|

 **sambucky @graylives** replying to @macncheese

they are C U T E

|

 **buddie @nineoneone** replying to @macncheese

where's this pic from??

|

**jacob @macncheese**

that last avengers press event

* * *

**abe brown @thatisfalse**

my dad: hey son, can you carry this for me?

me: uh i dont know i can barely handle the weight of my depression

my dad: abraham, pick up the damn grocery bag

|

**charles murphey @charlieboi**

ok boomer

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

people just dont understand gen z

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

today i heard conspiracy theory that spider-man’s mom fucked a spider, so i’m out here doing the lord’s work: @CptAmerica did your mom fuck america??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

lol imagine sarah rogers out there, rioting as a queen in the middle of a street yelling “FUCK AMERICA!” “HELL YEAH IM TALKING TO YOU! YOU FUCKING RACIST HOMOPHOBIC BITCH! FUCK. YOU. U.S. F U C K!”

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and then she goes back home like the good mama rogers she was and she making smoll steve soup and shit and in the evening instead of listening to the radio’s propaganda she just sits down in a chair in front of her child and in full-PSA-voice she starts–

|

**rogers stan @americasass**

NO WHY DOES IT CUT I WANNA SEE WHAT SHE SAYS

|

 **amie @fakefalcon** replying to @parkours

my god and savior jesus christ i love this kid i will die for him without hesitation

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @parkours

OH MY GOD THIS IS WHERE THE GODFORSAKEN CAP PSAS COME FROM

|

 **Steve Rogers @CptAmerica** replying to @parkours

@ironman... please come collect your child.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Peter, kiddo, cucciolo, you genius child. Did you really tweet something like that publicly at our National Icon?

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

This is why we need PR Team.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

im so sorry ms pepper i didn’t think before i tweeted i shouldve known better than that im really sorry :(

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

I know you didn’t mean any damage sweetheart, it’s alright. Just try to think next time, alright?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yes ma’am

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Pep, my love. Are you playing favorites? If that was me, you would give me hell but it’s Peter so you just kiss him in the forehead?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yes cuz she likes me better

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

you little shit

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

Tony, control yourself. You damn well know his puppy eyes.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

unfortunately

|

**uh peter @parkours**

what puppy eyes ???

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

and he doesn’t even KNOW kskskwkke

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Btw, @parkours language!

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

Oh, will you all let that go?!

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

n e v e r

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

rt

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

rt

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

rt

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

rt

* * *

**eric @mhandle**

.@parkours you still didn’t answer to anyone asking how old are you??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

thats cuz im not old

|

**eric @mhandle**

,,,

|

**eric @mhandle**

how young are you?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

oh thats an amazing question, thank you for asking! i am 16 years young. (but 17 in 3 months.. i am getting younger with every passing day..)

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

you dramatic bitch

|

**uh peter @parkours**

HARRY! YOU’RE ON TWITTER!

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

i just joined

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and ur 1sr tweet is u calling me dramatic bitch,, of course it is

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

ur friends with oscorp jr?

|

**ned @inthechair replying to @harryosborn**

hey harry!!

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

hey ned!!

|

**uh peter @parkours**

when r u getting back to nyc rich boy

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

in one (1) week

|

**ned @inthechair**

jbvcjadbvae

|

**uh peter @parkours**

why didnt we know abt it sooner??

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

it was supposed to be a surprise but i just couldnt help myself,,

|

**celia @curlyone**

is ur acc name rich boy because peter calls u that or did he call u that cuz thats ur acc name

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

he called me that once when we were young and then it stuck

* * *

**spooder @spmnyc**

.@parkours if you’re spider-man’s mechanic, can you convince him to get twitter?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he said he won’t get it because he’d reveal his identity in like 3 days

|

**spooder @spmnyc**

ughh i understand, thank you for answering

|

**uh peter @parkours**

but maybe i’ll talk to him and let him use my acc once in a while if he’ll have something to tweet

|

**spooder @spmnyc**

that would be great!

* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**charles murphey** are we goin to ignore the fact that peter knows not only avengers but also peter and ned know harry osborn from oscorp??

 **betty brant** i just sit and eat popcorn at this point

 **uh peter** yes, we will

 **cindy moon** guess we will then

 **ned** i got to know him by peter so dont look at me

 **mj** you never mentioned you know him parker

 **uh peter** he was in a boarding school so we only texted/called occasionally

 **Roger Harrington** Oh, is that why when we were on the field trip in Oscorp you disappeared for a few minutes? You knew someone there?

 **uh peter** ugh kinda

 **uh peter** my parents were scientists in oscorp so i was there a few times before

 **sally avril** oh i understand

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

missing my aunt may hours :((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i really dont understand why im dissing cap all the time ,,it just be like that
> 
> ps. i would kinda not be opposite if marvel wanted to add some romance to the sambucky show by making boys lgbt and pairing them ,,thank you,, gotta go


	4. i mean no disrespect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tessi @cappeanut**  
>  peter is so wholesome and tony and pepper are like super proud parents! i stan one #ironfam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up - shuri changed her name to: pink panther @wakandanprincess

**uh peter @parkours**

guys but hear me out

|

**uh peter @parkours**

coding (by a newbie): 40% thinking, 10% typing, 50% debugging

coding (but a good coding): 70% thinking, 27% implementation, 3% bug fixing

|

**gideon @cpgeegee**

omg yes! thank you! i hate it how in movies they just write furiously on the keyboard and it is n o t h i n g like in the real life

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i first learned that from my best friend, he’s really good at coding and got me hooked. if you’re looking for someone real & good then follow @inthechair

|

**ned @inthechair**

thanks for the shoutout bro

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @parkours

There’s also Tony Stark coding: 100% thinking, 100% implementation and 0% bug repair

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

sure jan

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @ironman

sir–

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @ironman

i mean no disrespect but your math sucks, can really see that FRIDAY is brains and ur just looks and money

|

**FRIDAY @StarkAI**

Thank you, Peter. I knew there was a reason you were my favorite.

|

**dar3d3^il @fromtohell**

msksinebbsjsjje

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @parkours

That’s it. You’re out of the will. @CEOofSI get the lawyers.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

im in the will?!!!??

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

You WERE in the will.

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

Please stop being so dramatic on Twitter.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

but–

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

911, we need an ambulance

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

i have a CSS joke… but it’s not !important

**ned @inthechair**

i have a CSS joke but give me a minute to center myself

|

**gideon @cpgeegee**

do u like basically tell js jokes on ur tt all the time?

|

**ned @inthechair**

why yes, yes i do

|

**ned @inthechair**

i feel like i have a CONSTant urge to the javascript jokes

|

**gideon @cpgeegee**

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

remember when i said i had an idea and mr stark liked it and we were gonna do something abt it? ioewfjeabrfiuer it’s happening so be on a lookout for a new tweet from @SIOfficial

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Many people struggle in the times of this pandemic. We’re glad to announce that @ironman and @parkours bring to you Stark Pandemic Support Program! [www.starkpandemicsupport.org](http://www.starkpandemicsupport.org)

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Many people struggle with (among other things!) financial or residential problems during these hard times. Go to the website linked below to find out exactly what problems we can help you with and how! [www.starkpandemicsupport.org](http://www.starkpandemicsupport.org)

**uh peter @parkours**

I am so excited for everyone who will be able to get some help from us! Guys, remember that you can also donate and help!! Just go to the website and find out how great it’s all organized - [www.starkpandemicsupport.org](http://www.starkpandemicsupport.org) !!

|

**flash thompson @intheflash**

that was pretty cool idea, parker

|

**uh peter @parkours**

thanks flash!!

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

wait a second, what just happened?

**Tony Stark @ironman**

We bring to you - SPS [www.starkpandemicsupport.org](http://www.starkpandemicsupport.org)! That was all the kid’s idea though, @parkours congratulations, Roo.

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

We are SO proud of you, Peter!

|

**uh peter @parkours**

thank you for believing in me in the first place!! love u!

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

good job, little one.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

<3!!

* * *

**dardarr @dbringham**

can we just take a moment and appreciate how sweet of peter was it to think of people in need of help? my single dad (who’s raising me and my sister) is already reading through the website because he was placed on ‘unpaid leave’ 3 weeks ago and it still doesn’t seem like his boss is going to need him any time soon.

**tessi @cappeanut**

peter is so wholesome and tony and pepper are like super proud parents! i stan one #ironfam

|

**sunflower widow @amieyst**

also, supportive black widow? bvewirbgrwpiv

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

introverts: *enjoying the quarantine*

extroverts: *struggling to survive the quarantine*

ambiverts: *confused screaming*

|

**uh peter @parkours**

OMG FINALLY SOME1 !! YES IM CONFUSED ! AND LOST ! AND IDK WHAT IM FEELING !!

|

 **grazie @bbianca** replying to @blcdahlia

me, introvert (seeing this tweet while chilling alone in my bedroom): haha

|

 **bread davis @ehkhem** replying to @blcdahlia

LET ME OUT, LET ME OOOUT

* * *

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

I Choose To Run Towards My Problems, And Not Away From Them.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

stop calling me OUT. running away is actually very convenient

|

**parker stans @thekidfandom**

mood

|

 **Bruce Banner @doctorhulk** replying to @GodOfThunder

Running towards problems doesn't really sound so much more responsible.

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @GodOfThunder

I think my eyes just bled a little, Point Break. You know how to write, why is this tweet so awful?

|

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

The situation required it.

* * *

**god of storm @not_thor**

tony calls thor “point break”. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

it’s official! yall asked spider-man to make twitter but he cant cuz he’d reveal his identity in no time SO! if spidey will have something to tweet, he’ll use my acc. his tweets will be signed with “-SM”

_spidey watch @smwatch retweeted this tweet_

**uh peter @parkours**

wanna know how i took down mr captain america?

i shot him in de legs cause his shield iz de size of a dinner plate and he iz an idiot -SM

|

**uh peter @parkours**

btw hello everyone! your friendly neighborhood spider-man is here! -SM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see im focusing more on peter parker here than spider-man but i decided to add him a little bit,, hope you like it


	5. tony stark... cooking?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **British Chef @GordonRamsay**  
>  heard you were talking shit @parkours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was supposed to post it four days ago but i forgot,,

**Tony Stark @ironman**

A woman's place is in the kitchen, so she can taste this delicious gnocchi with tomato sauce and mozzarella I am making.

|

**briana @brihalan**

i was about to go on a disappointed rant already but then i read to the end and now im grinning at my phone screen

|

**uh peter @parkours**

mr stark going full!italian mode when he cooks for his fiancée that loves italian food is i think the best thing that happened to the planet earth ever since defeating the nazis

|

**avengers bs @imaginesig**

tony stark... cooking?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he’s the best in meals w/pasta. an actual treasure and i would without hesitation start a cult for his spaghetti bolognese

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and i get that spaghetti bolognese sounds like a plain and simple meal but then mr stark makes it and it tastes like,, heaven?? first time i ate it i was like: gordon ramsay SIT DOWN u’ve been murdered

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

i can't wait until other countries ban facebook for being a US based company stealing data.

|

**k. marianna @mkali**

I hope they don't ban Facebook. Personally I don't care that it uses my data and I don't think most people will care.

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

it's your private information, they know where you are 24h, they can see every picture, every message and every audio you ever send/receive.

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

"Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide, is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say."

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @blcdahlia

im shocked people still use fb today, not gonna lie

|

**monica @mbright**

boomers use facebook

|

 **potato guy @conn3ct3d** replying to @blcdahlia

that means your aunt, uncles, and mum will get twitter. be careful what you wish for.

* * *

**British Chef @GordonRamsay**

heard you were talking shit @parkours

|

**uh peter @parkours**

kskkskskkek sorry sir didnt mean to hurt you but on my twitter we are speaking the truth only

|

**British Chef @GordonRamsay**

how about when the pandemic is over i will actually make you MY spaghetti bolognese and we’ll see what truth you’ll be saying then

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Yeah, no. Sorry, you will not be tricking my kid by a candy to get him into your car.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

MR STARK GARGUIHR we could invite mr gordon ramsay british chef sir to the tower !!

|

**British Chef @GordonRamsay**

yeah. unless you’re scared of the competition?

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

As if. Bring it on, devil boy.

|

**British Chef @GordonRamsay**

then it’s decided

|

**uh peter @parkours**

just don’t get ur hopes up mr gordon ramsay british chef sir. its not that i don’t believe in you but i ate mr stark’s spaghetti and ive seen stars from the dining room

* * *

**parker stans @thekidfandom**

so we’re just going to ignore that tony called peter “my kid”??

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

no, absulutely fucking not #irondad

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

Oh my God, I love it. Yes. #IronDad

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

on a scale of 1 to `console.log('here')` debugging, how bad is your day going?

|

**celia @curlyone**

what does console.log do ?

|

**ned @inthechair**

it’s used for writing a message into the browser’s “console window” which is available if you press F12 to bring up developer tools and look for the “console” tab. it’s use in this case is for working out why/if your javascript code is working on a web site you’re building.

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @inthechair

console.log('step 1 before the if')

console.log('inside the if')

console.log('step 2 after the if')

console.log('step n+1 after the if')

(༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)

* * *

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

not to be gay on main but i have some good view here

|

**sasha @hoopinup**

before the quarantine i was fine being single but now i desperately need someone to kiss and cuddle

|

 **alec @a_senn** replying to @TheFalcon

bucky barnes - the only person who got a haircut in quarantine

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

!! black lives still matter even if your feed is back to white !! <https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co>

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

there should be a force dedicated to fighting racist cops

|

 **J. Jonah Jameson @jjjdaily** replying to @parkours

Burning an American city to the ground won’t bring back George Floyd.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

bombing middle east countries won’t undo 9/11

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @jjjdaily

NO JUSTICE NO PEACE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> potato guy @conn3ct3d?? o-oh??  
> -
> 
> B L A C K LIVES M A T T E R


	6. #HappyBdayTony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **parker stans @thekidfandom**  
>  ok but like,, are we sure SURE peter isn’t tony’s son??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony stark appreciation chapter

**uh peter @parkours**

i love dum-e so much i love him like my brother ✨i✨l✨o✨v✨e✨h✨i✨m💙

|

**dardarr @dbringham**

who’s dum-e?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

it’s a bot mr stark buit many many years ago when he wasn’t old yet (he was 16); dum-e is kinda famous, was in newspapers👇🏻

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

“i really wanted to win this one, so i did.” ksksksksksk TONY STARK EVERYONE

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @parkours

dum-e has a small ai (to recognize voice commands, but if you’re a stranger then he won’t listen to you - he can however take a liking to a person who often visits mr stark in the lab and then when he realizes mr stark likes you - he can listen to you)

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he helps mr stark a lot in the workshop (and sometimes bothers him but shhhh) e.g. holding something steady and bringing sth or -his favorite- using fire extinguisher when mr stark is testing some new creations

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he also loves making smoothies for people that he likes so if he makes you one - means that he trusts you and appreciates your presence (unfortunately the smoothies have motor oil +often nails so careful there)

|

**uh peter @parkours**

dum-e LEARNS observing mr stark and people he works with (read: me & dr banner) and he can read people’s emotions + emotions in their voice. when he messes sth up and mr stark scolds him, he starts whirring apologetically and he’s just so sad u wanna hug him

|

**uh peter @parkours**

but he’s also making excited chirps when he’s happy and beeps when someone laughs with (not at!) him

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

can we get some photos of dum-e??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

gonna give u my 2 fav;

1: before mr stark even started testing iron man suit (mark II) dum-e was already following his every move, ready to attack him with fire extinguisher

|

**uh peter @parkours**

2: the power was too great so mr stark was sent flying in the ceiling(?) and then fell down to the floor. there wasn’t any fire but dum-e decided to spray him just in case (read: for fun)

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

How did you even get these photos? It was Jar’s era.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i figured vision should have it somewhere so i asked him but he just started (in his british manner) sth abt ‘invading privacy’ so i gave up;; but then i talked to U and he was very excited to expose you, he still had the recordings in his files

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

U can’t talk. How do you know you had his consent to dig around in his files?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

cuz he whirred excited and nodded and he loves embarrassing you

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

That’s it. You’re grounded.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

sure dad

|

**rogers stan @americasass**

is U some another bot?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yes! DUM-E and U are like siblings. they are a pair of hydraulic arm robots/ assistants in the workshop. while dum-e usually helps making new creations, U is the one who records the tests. E is kinda attention whore, and U prefers being on the sideline

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

.@parkours but what happened that it made you tweet u love him?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

oh! yes! i was teasing him that he wouldn’t just go and out of blue spray mr stark with extinguisher when he wasn’t even needed around but HE DID IT ladies and gentlemen and non-binary people!

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

djeidjkekskidi

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

please say you have a video of this

|

**uh peter @parkours**

friday has but i rlly dont want to lose my lab privileges so im sorry😔😔

* * *

**direct messages; Tony Stark & Virginia Pepper Potts**

**Tony Stark** PEPPER

 **Tony Stark** PEP

 **Tony Stark** LIGHT OF MY LIFE

 **Tony Stark** PETE CALLED ME DAD ON TWITTER

 **Tony Stark** BUT I DONT KNOW IF THAT WAS TEASING OR IF HE MEANT IT

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** I don’t know if that specific “dad” was teasing or not, but Peter does see you as a Dad.

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** You’re the only person who doesn’t see it, Tony.

 **Tony Stark** Because it’s HUGE Pepper! I can’t just assume!

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** You’re the adult one, you should sit him down and talk with it about it.

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** You were his idol, still are. He’s probably worried how you’d react if he really called you “dad” to your face.

 **Tony Stark** Are you sure??

 **Tony Stark** Talking about emotions isn’t really my style?

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** You got better at this.

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** And Peter needs it. He deserves to know where he stands.

 **Tony Stark** Ok, I’ll try.

 **Tony Stark** Love you, Pep.

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** Love you too, Tony. Good luck.

* * *

**parker stans @thekidfandom**

to sum it up; tony has smart bots that are like his children and like siblings to peter. those beautiful photos of dum-e. tony grounding peter & peter calling him “dad”. #ironfam

* * *

**direct messages; Tony Stark & uh peter**

**Tony Stark** Hey, kiddo, you busy?

 **uh peter** no, just sitting in the common room at the avengers floor, why?

 **Tony Stark** Can you go to the penthouse and wait for me? I should be there in a minute.

 **uh peter** sure, did something happen?

 **Tony Stark** No, I just want to talk with you about something.

* * *

_May 29._

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

get in losers, it’s Tony Stark’s birthday #HappyBdayTony

|

**ironstan @ir0nman**

did you have an alarm set up or sth to tweet that precisely at 0:01??

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

mayhaps

* * *

**elliot @tellme**

When I was young I was orphaned, but now I have an amazing family - thanks to people from Maria Stark Foundation who made sure the couple that was adopting me wasn’t doing it for the money from CPS (which is common), but because they really wanted to give me home. I will be forever grateful that Tony Stark was born and is now changing the world for better. #HappyBdayTony

**Finneas @woferb**

I’m an Intern at SI and I was struggling with student loans. When Tony Stark came down to check on someone else’s project, he overheard me almost crying to my lab partner about my financial problems. The very next day my student loans were paid off AND I got a raise. (Yes, I’m getting paid as Intern.) This man is amazing. #HappyBdayTony

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

he ages like fine wine #HappyBdayTony

**hailey @halsbv**

I was part of the September Foundation. Thanks to Tony Stark I could, without exaggeration, pursue my dream. #HappyBdayTony

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

best wishes, #HappyBdayTony. hope u dont need to break into ppl's garages these days

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

“I have a hero whenever I need one / I just look up to you and I see one”

Love you, Dad.#HappyBdayTony

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Love you too, cucciolo. Your gift is easily the best thing I’ve ever gotten in my life, thank you again.

|

 **severide @squad3** replying to @parkours

.@parkours what did you give tony??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i recorded short personal message and printed the sound wave at the canvas (also under the sound wave, at the canvas’ bottom, is the sentence i said written is small font)

|

**severide @squad3**

that’s so sweet!

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

And it’s already hanging on the wall in the lab. (It made Tony emotional.)

* * *

**parker stans @thekidfandom**

ok but like,, are we sure SURE peter isn’t tony’s son??

|

**monica @nnamefl**

we’re not.

* * *

**Bruce Banner @doctorhulk**

Thanks for being here, my science bro.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Aww, Brucie-Bear. I knew you liked that name.

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

what i love mr stark the most for is probably the fact that when i shout ‘the floor is lava!!’ he just jumps at the furniture

|

**uh peter @parkours**

pepper just calmly lifts her legs above the floor if she’s sitting or if she’s standing on the floor she doesn’t give a shoot and she doesn’t die anyway

|

**uh peter @parkours**

cuz i don’t think she’s a mortal like us weak humans

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

she’s definitely not

* * *

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

The best wishes for you, my friend @ironman. Have a gorgeous birthday, I hope I will see you again soon.

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

brother, you must add #HappyBdayTony or else you just suck

|

 **tabasco @miechyslawp** replying to @BlackPanther

i love that there’s literal king in this picture and he’s still pointing at Tony Stark - an american engineer, as if he was the star of the photo. because he is. Tony is ALWAYS A STAR(K), THANK YOU.

* * *

**sally avril @arlielvril**

what’s a developer’s favorite meal? ((please don’t say bugs))

|

**betty brant @bbant**

the real question is, what the sequel to the favorite meal? or did they not select anything yet?

|

**ned @inthechair**

as long as i can DROP in and JOIN you at the TABLE, it really doesn’t matter to me

|

**gideon @cpgeegee**

don’t say DROP or u’ll never c ur data again

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @arlielvril

coffee beans tho

|

**uh peter @parkours**

blueberries tho

* * *

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

coworker: sorry i’m late, another meeting ran over

me, also late: i was eating pb&j

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

them: sorry, meeting

you: sorry, m’eating

|

**uh peter @parkours**

mr stark: sorry not sorry, i didn’t want to show up at all

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

I’m half Italian. Showing up late is literally in my DNA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got my online SAT results today and i passed(!) and i did ever better(!) than i expected, so i felt good and decided to post this happy chapter


	7. pride month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **‘point break’ @th4mm3r**  
>  this just in: asexual icon - peter the intern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided to make peter ace 'cause actually i dont remember twitter fics with him being asexual?? and he easily could be. and we need people to know that being asexual is o k a y. you dont need to like sex, no one has the right to pressure you into this. you're not broken, you're asexual and you're still an incredible person who deserves to be happy, loved, and respected.

**uh peter @parkours**

it is PRIDE MONTH everyone! let’s be proud and loud and let’s piss off some homophobes!! #AlwaysProud

|

**pan!nate @natthattan**

are you lgbt??

|

**jacob @macncheese**

either that or he’ll be our ally icon

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @natthattan

im asexual! and SOOOO PROUD OF US ALL!! <3

* * *

**‘point break’ @th4mm3r**

this just in: asexual icon - peter the intern

|

**‘point break’ @th4mm3r**

gay, bi and lesbian icons already chosen if im not mistaken??

pan, trans, non-binary..? where y’ll at? #AlwaysProud

* * *

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

#AlwaysProud

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

make america gay again🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

* * *

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

fellas is it gay to be gay

|

**monica @nnamefl**

very gay

* * *

**loki @snakeygod**

“ladies and gentelmen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy and honestly im already falling asleep

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

“cowards” on the other hand is inclusive, to the point, and dramatic

* * *

**incorrect sambucky @qwinterfalcon**

bucky: you will marry me

sam: it’s “will you marry-“

bucky: did i fucking stutter

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

who said it’s incorrect??

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

james, i don’t think you should engage with tweets like that if you don’t want pepper on our asses

|

**bucky stan @notavillain**

sam calls bucky ‘james’ while all his friends and fans seem to call him either bucky or buck,,, i’m melting

**incorrect sambucky @qwinterfalcon**

BUCKY BARNES REPLIED TOMY TWEET 4FPRBWGIUPQRGBFIQFP

* * *

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

I want it on the record: Captain America SUPPORTS LGBTQ+. I am proud of you all and I wish you the best. Love is a beautiful thing and nobody but you should have a say in your love life.

|

**Sandra K. @keller_s73**

YOU just lost a supporter. I won’t let you brainwash my kids.

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

I will happily escort you to my unfollow button.

|

**rogers stan @americasass**

YASSSS, captain oh captain

* * *

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

hello. i’m shuri, princess of wakanda, and i’m a lesbian. #AlwaysProud

|

**uh peter @parkours**

oh i thought u were american

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

Peter, you know Shuri is from Wakanda? You met her there as well as her Royal Family.

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

stevie, you uncultured dumbass,,,

|

**uh peter @parkours**

guess we’ll be teaching mr america gen z and some

|

**uh peter @parkours**

im on vine duty; @ironman & @IronPatriot u go w/ old movies; wanda will take care of memes; @snakeygod can u help w/ expressing individual truths?; @blackwidow u good on trying ‘take a stand’ ethics?; and @hawkeyeofc ur doing good on food, lets just stay on truck

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Those movies are not old, it’s just you who’s a baby.

|

 **loki @snakeygod** replying to @parkours

it would be my pleasure

|

 **natasha romanov @blackwidow** replying to @parkours

give me time and place and i’ll be there with my powerpoint

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @parkours

@jbbarnes wanna help me w/ vine acting as a translator if needed?

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

ready to proceed

|

 **pepperony @alapiazza** replying to @parkours

,,,i kinda feel like i just watched them plan an attack on hydra,,,intense

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

I think I’m scared.

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

u also type all wrong. u r happy i cant travel to nyc rn

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ur welcome to teach him how to tweet non-formal stuff! we’ll just have lessons online! (only not on zoom cuz i’ll have flashbacks)

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

happily! this is going to be great entertainment.

**flash @intheflash**

i just realized captain america is alder than baby boomer…

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he’s like ‘the greatest generation’ which is boring and kinda,, uh self-superior?? which it is not superior; so SIT DOWN Steven. we need a new name for the G.I.

|

**ned @inthechair**

how bout senior boomer?

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

grandpa boomer

|

**uh peter @parkours**

that shall do

* * *

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

so i kinda wanna dm this 1 guy but im shy all of a sudden?? idk why cuz im never shy

|

**abb-e (keen)er @kekebe**

just take a breath and jump. can’t be bad, it’s just dms

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

i think im gonna take it slow actually,, just got an idea

|

**abb-e (keen)er @kekebe**

ugh. that’s never a good thing

**direct messages; potato guy & Tony Stark**

**potato** **guy** so who’s that peter kid?

 **Tony** **Stark** Who are you?

 **potato** **guy** really?

 **Tony** **Stark** wait

 **Tony** **Stark** Harley?

 **potato guy** one and only.

 **Tony Stark** Shit, kid. I haven’t heard from you in years.

 **potato guy** well u didnt text

 **Tony** **Stark** You had my number.

 **potato** **guy** but u had mine 2

 **Tony** **Stark** Not exactly.

 **Tony** **Stark** Ultron basically deleted half my database. Then the Accords happened.

 **potato** **guy** oh

 **Tony** **Stark** Yeah.

 **potato** **guy** my dad kinda came back after this sokovia mess so i just focused on that

 **potato** **guy** said that seeing it in the news made him think abt family and all that

 **Tony** **Stark** And he’s been back ever since?

 **potato** **guy** yea, now he’s living with us and all. my mom and my sister are really happy.

 **Tony Stark** And you?

 **potato guy** well he’s actually trying and i like having him around

 **potato guy** just that im gay and didn’t come out to him yet

 **potato guy** so i don’t know what to think cuz i don’t know what’s his opinion on lgbt ppl

 **potato guy** what if he wants me gone or he’ll leave again just cause he’s homophobic or sth?

 **Tony Stark** You deserve to be loved and respected. Nothing less, you hear me?

 **Tony Stark** If you tell him and he has problems, text me. I’ll deal with it.

 **potato guy** thanks, i actually want to tell him this month

 **potato guy** BUT enough abt me

 **potato guy** whos that peter kid

 **Tony Stark** He’s my kid, basically.

 **potato guy** seriously?!enzjekkd

 **Tony Stark** Well, not biologically. But we started the adoption process lately.

 **Tony Stark** It’s more complicated than that, but this isn’t my story to tell.

 **potato guy** wow

 **Tony Stark** Just keep it a secret, would you? I don’t want press picking up on it any sooner than they have to.

 **potato guy** i promise

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

spidey asked me to tell you that he stands with us and that he supports us all & “fuck homophobes, they can come at me if they want” <\- his words

|

**spooder @spmnyc**

we stan one (1) friendly neighborhood superhero

|

 **‘point break’ @th4mm3r** replying to @parkours

is spidey lgbt?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

sorry 🤐 secret identity

* * *

**t(rust)issues @ace_ing**

how many asexuals does is take to unscrew a lightbulb? #AlwaysProud

|

**uh peter @parkours**

none, we dont screw

* * *

**loki @snakeygod**

i guess you could say i am non-binary… on asgard we don’t have so much problems with genders / sexual orientations / labels… but for those midgardians asking, non-binary is probably the closest thing to what i am

|

**loki @snakeygod**

weather boy does not like labels at all though, so he won’t answer you with one ‘letter’

|

**uh peter @parkours**

loki calling thor ‘weather boy’ is THE soft brothers content we don’t deserve

|

**ale @revengers**

meanwhile, me to my brother: j e r k

|

 **red @lonestar** replying to @snakeygod

the GOD is non-binary. we are superior

* * *

**avengers bs @imaginesig**

.@ironman what’s your take on LGBTQ+???

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Let’s mind our own beds. One person was born blonde, another redhead etc - the same one person was born hetero, another homosexual etc.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

I’m pan, my kid is ace, my friends are all sorts of labels. We’re people.

|

**disaster pan @epancake**

you’re PANsexual?????????

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

Yeah? Wasn’t this common knowledge? I wasn’t exactly hiding much in my playboy days.

* * *

**Bruce Banner @doctorhulk**

I’m happy to announce that I’ll be joining Doctor @HelenCho and her team in researching and fighting against SARS-CoV-2.

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

i will be too! it’ll be an honor to work with you, Doctor. even if we’ll be in different countries while doing so.

|

**ned @inthechair**

we’re saved

* * *

**she/him/they @otis_el**

now watch me male

now watch me female

now watch me both, both

watch me neither

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

genderfluid ppl be like

* * *

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

I got on Twitter today and I feel very straight.

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

same here

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

boo-hoo

|

**uh peter @parkours**

rt

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

rt

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

rt

|

 **bread davis @ehkhem** replying to @IronPatriot

gosh, same! i mean- sure, be gay or whatever, but why do they have to be so loud and e v e r y w h e r e about it?!

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

Oh, no, you misunderstood me. I’m not bitter about it. In fact, it makes me happy that more and more people isn’t afraid to come out and be proud of who they are.

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

Straight people are always loud, aren’t they? In songs, in books, in movies, on the beach… And LGBTQ+ people have one month of pride? Let them enjoy it.

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

same here v2

|

 **trans/cript @emale** replying to @IronPatriot

colonel rhodes is our Ally Icon, you can’t change my mind

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @IronPatriot

uncle rhodey destroys brad, more at six

|

**betty brant @bbant**

in times like this im sad we’re not in school. it’s ‘midtown news’ worthy material.

* * *

**magda @jestembede**

hi, @parkours, seeing as it’s pride month, could you please share some information about what’s happening in Poland? #PolishStonewall

|

**magda @jestembede**

because we need to make ppl aware of this nightmare! polish activist Margot was sentenced to 2 months in prison just because she was against and lightly damaged a car covered in anti-LGBT posters calling us pedophiles and rapists!

|

**magda @jestembede**

our government fights with activists, tries to scare them. we cannot feel safe here. could you share this link with the petition and some information about it all? it would mean the world to us[ https://lgbtqpl.carrd.co/](https://lgbtqpl.carrd.co/)

|

**sebastian @sbsokowski**

our president literally said that lgbt are not people but ideology! this man is all kinds of wrong but the election wasn’t even fair and he stays in the white house for another five years, i just wanna cry #PolishStonewall

|

**karola @wolnawola**

man, there’s police brutality and arresting people on protests while those people were peaceful! but then the police arrives and THEY CAUSE chaos! im exhausted, wen e e dhelp #PolishStonewall

**uh peter @parkours**

there are kids my age protesting in warsaw right now. they should stress about their grades, not be terrified for their safety just because of who they love! #PolishStonewall please educate yourself, sign petitions… this shouldn’t be happening <https://twitter.com/madxhvtter/status/1292097529132331008?s=20>

_uh peter @parkours retweeted this tweet:_

**zero @sqseveride**

My non-Polish mutuals, here's what's happening in Warsaw right now ;Thread

<https://twitter.com/PissPigWife69/status/1291836500129337346?s=20>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t care if the end of this chapter came out desperate. Because I AM desperate. I’m part Polish, I know this country, I was **born** in Warsaw, I’m bisexual.   
> Reading the news, my heart is tearing apart and I had more panic attacks than I’m willing to admit even to myself. This is 2020 we’re talking about, and homophobes are still on their bullshit? One of the MOST homophobic people in the country is THE PRESIDENT? And he’s spreading hate all around him! He’s showing that it’s “okay” to hate LGBT?? And television channel called “TVP” is just political scam, propaganda(!) they are spreading lies and hate there, saying whatever the ruling party (PiS) wants them to. 
> 
> **Please, PLEASE read at least the last tweet/thread that I gave the link to and retweet if you’re on Twitter.** People need to start talking about this before it’s too late, even though sometimes I feel like it already is.


	8. therapy and science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **uh peter @parkours**  
>  ok but yall didnt find out through a tweet u r a heir to a Fortune Global 500 company and it really shows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh,, sorry for not updating sooner,, hope u enjoy,, bye,,

**uh peter @parkours**

i was eating a sandwich and i laughed so hard i almost choked to death

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i coughed/snorted small piece of cheese out of my nose tho ??

|

**miles @mor4l3s**

omg are you alright now?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yep aunt nat was w me cuz we were watching vine compilations on yt 2gether and she saved my life (which- i didn’t ask her to)

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

one day because of those gen z jokes tony is going to send you to therapy

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i already have a therapist ??

|

**sasha @hoopinup**

you do?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yep, my aunt & mr stark wanted me to go (cuz of personal trauma) at least once and then i found out that it’s actually good for me and now i have regular sessions

**mj @blcdahlia**

normalize caring about your mental health and going to therapy

|

**ned @inthechair**

rt

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

everyone having a therapist speak the fuck up

* * *

**rich boy @harryosborn**

my therapist is selling her house so im gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom background before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well im in your home, babe. i’m in charge now

|

**uh peter @parkours**

an actual genius of our time

|

 **bucky @jbbarnes** replying to @harryosborn

u clearly have issues kid

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

*silently jealous that i can’t do that w/ my therapist*

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

what i wanna know is who hurt mr nick director agent spy grandpa fury and took his eye

|

**uh peter @parkours**

who took his trust and broke it, stealing his eye and hurting him so much to scar him for life causing him trust issues

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

Fury is your grandfather?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

so i might have accidentally met him and claimed him as my grandpa so what

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

I like your grandson @DirectorFury

|

**uh peter @parkours**

waIT WAIT WAIT A SECOND

|

**uh peter @parkours**

are you THE Carol Danvers?? the one grandpa eyepatch told me about?? you were the OG Avenger that gave him idea to name Avengers Initiative and youre a superhero outside of earth and u met when he was a lowkey agent and had both eyes and u helped the skrulls race to finally get their own home??

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

I guess I am THE Carol Danvers, yes. We should meet one day, Peter, I know the story of how Nick lost his eye.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

fgiwfgiuewhripqwe yes please.

|

**Fury Nicholas @DirectorFury**

You two will not be meeting anytime soon. We have a pandemic on Earth.

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

We’re fine at the Kree Imperial Cruiser.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

@ironman can we visit captain Danvers please please please

|

**ned @inthechair**

omg dude take me w/ u im begging

|

**uh peter @parkours**

@ironman and can we take ned with us ??

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

You have your Internship lessons. It’s not time for vacations outside Earth.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ur no fun

|

**Fury Nicholas @DirectorFury**

I have to, surprisingly, agree with Stark.

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

ur no fun

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

I wanna know more about Captain Marvel, ma’am? You’re not really a common knowledge here.

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

Yes, we’re curious.

|

**tessi @cappeanut**

You should do a livestream or something, Captain Marvel.

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

I might just do that one day, sure. @parkours think you want to help me figure out how to do that?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

bcbfein yes ma’am, of course ma’am, ready when you are Captain Danvers.

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

Just call me Carol. I will contact you when I’ll be ready.

* * *

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

me: i just feel like ‘pizza party’ should refer to pizzas having a party. humans having pizza at a party should just be a party with pizza. does that make sense to you?

my therapist: i think we should meet more often.

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

that totally does make sense tho

|

**please, can i ge @tawaffle**

that’s it. using ‘pizza party’ is officially banned unless you are a pizza.

* * *

**Bruce Banner @doctorhulk**

therapist: And what do we say when life disappoints us?

me: Called it.

therapist: No–

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

* * *

**Victor G. @vgscience**

What is the need for a theory that uses particles called gravitons; Doesn't Einstein's general relativity explain the idea of gravity well enough?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

number = non-number. this clearly cannot be. it’s like asking how many apples equal 1 orange.

mind u, there’s another way. this variation has a name: its called semiclassical gravity.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and guess what? it works. that is to say- with the exception of the extreme early universe and the immediate vicinity of the singularity deep inside the event horizon of a black hole, semiclassical gravity is more than sufficient to describe nature.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

so y bother w/ quantum gravity, then? 4 starters, semiclassical gravity is deeply unsatisfactory 2 most theorists: the angle brackets r put in ‘by hand’ w no theoretical justification other than the fact that “IT WORKS & WE R TOO DUMB 2 DO ANY BETTER”. its also conceptually problematic: it basically says that even tho we don’t know -say- the actual location of an e,

|

**uh peter @parkours**

somehow the electron’s gravitational field does anyway(!), by acting as tho the e’s location was its expectation value. however, the idea that gravity may after all be classical hasn’t been abandoned. good e.g. is entropic gravity, which views gravity as an emergent, fundamentally classical phenomenon related to thermodynamics & stat. phys.

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

he went on a rant again...

|

 **cindy moon @ccandym** replying to @parkours

we’re in a STEM school so sometimes i forget that peter is Actually A Genius but then he says stuff like that and i just,, yeah,,

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @parkours

anyone: says shit about physics

peter: YOU TAKE THAT BACK BITCH! IM ABOUT TO LECTURE YOU!!

|

 **Michael @MLincoln** replying to @parkours

What is this kid doing in high school...

|

 **please, can i ge @tawaffle** replying to @parkours

i understood: n o t h i n gi feel so dump rn omg

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @parkours

See? Told ya he’s a genius. SI’s future is in good hands.

|

**parker stans @thekidfandom**

‘future’?? is peter your heir??

**The New York Times @nytimes**

HEIR to STARK INDUSTRIES? Read our article to find out what Tony Stark had to say!

<https://www.nytimes.com/breaking-news/starkindustries-heir.html>

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

he literally just tweeted a sentence and u r making it sound as if he gave an interview + showed u his will

* * *

**direct messages; uh peter & Virginia Pepper Potts**

**uh peter** is it true????

 **Virginia Pepper Potts** We were supposed to sit you down and talk with you about it, but yes. It’s true, sweetie.

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

my neurons are firing faster than my brain can handle the information

|

**ned @inthechair**

dude it’s so crazy cool!!

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

i mean, it was obvious. wasnt it?

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @parkours

kinda feel the betrayal even more now

**uh peter @parkours**

ok but yall didnt find out through a tweet u r a heir to a Fortune Global 500 company and it really shows

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i just wanted to yell at someone (in peace) for not appreciating physics enough leave me alone

|

**uh peter @parkours**

im a d u m b a s s i should never be trusted with s h i t omg im gonna hyperventilate

|

**FRIDAY @StarkAI**

Peter. Take long, slow breaths. Boss is on his way to you right now.

**Virginia Pepper Potts @CEOofSI**

There will be a press conference soon.

* * *

**monica @mbright**

ok but hear me out here cuz i have a theory

|

**monica @mbright**

peter the intern IS spider-man

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

|

**monica @mbright**

i mean- - they are both about the same age? and smart? gen z personality? both know tony stark? peter being tony’s protégé and spidey being iron man’s? when spidey showed up in DC peter’s decathlon team was there?? coincidence? i don’t think so

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

|

**monica @mbright**

and ALSO the most important part - shared twitter account. i mean don’t get me wrong they could be friends or besties even but i wouldn’t give access to my tt acc to any of my friends or family NO. no. nO.

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

|

**monica @mbright**

which means- peter didnt give spidey access to his tt acc - - peter just IS SPIDEY

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

|

**monica @mbright**

why are my tweets disappearing????

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

|

**monica @mbright**

OH MY GOD

_(this tweet isn’t available anymore)_

**direct messages; Tony Stark & monica**

**Tony Stark** Hello there.

 **Tony Stark** Monica Lewandowska, living in Manhattan NY, but born in Warsaw, Poland to Sebastian Antoni Lewandowski and Magdalena (Kowalczyk) Lewandowska 11/10/01?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you shouldn't be ashamed of going to therapy, you should be proud of yourself for it.


	9. 2020 just be like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dms, corona & peter likes someone??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t worry, im not dead yet.
> 
> \+ let’s just ignore that it’s almost the end of 2020 and in my fic they haven’t started school year yet please,,,, i started writing it a long time ago and only now finished but i figured it’d be weird if i skipped to new year already so… maybe next chapter or next-next chapter

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

so tmw it will be two (2) months since the press conference where tony and pepper said that peter is their heir and that he’ll take over the company and all hell broke loose and also peter tweeted for the last time and im kinda worried

|

**bite me @tashsqueen**

right?? like stop harassing peter stark you clowns and then he’ll come back

|

**max @tranistr**

his last name is legit stark???

|

**bite me @tashsqueen**

idk but i refuse to believe he isnt tony’s son

* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**betty brant** im really starting to worry abt peter

 **betty brant** he doesnt even post anything on his private ig

 **abe brown** and if you don’t exist on social media in 2020 then you don’t exist at all

 **sally avril** yep, it’s common knowledge

**mj**

**ned** he’s fine guys

 **charles murphey** oh, u talk with him??

 **uh peter** yea and i’mg r e a t

 **uh peter** just needed a break from social media

 **uh peter** and honestly it’s better than any juice cleanses or wtv

 **betty brant** that’s good then

 **flash** hey yall think we’re gonna go to school soon or start a year on zoom again?

 **cindy moon** well the virus is still here

 **mj** but the government is trash so who knows

 **uh peter** school on zoom sucks tho

 **sally avril** yea i’d write sth abt that but we have a *teacher* here

 **ned** what r yall doing cuz i’m bored

 **ned** i literally did everything by now and don’t know how to waste my time now

 **mj** read a book

 **abe brown** im waiting for my mom to come back from the grocery store and will be helping her with cooking

 **abe brown** i realized in quarantine that i actually like cooking & baking

 **sally avril** my favorite part of quarantine is that we were all forced to be alone with our thoughts for a little bit and everyone went 'absolutely not. i’ll learn to bake bread from scratch.'

 **cindy moon** i sometimes bake to relax

 **uh peter** i sometimes bake to set the kitchen on fire

 **mj** we been knew

 **flash** im looking for some video game to buy but im still bored so would not recommend

 **sally avril** im doing puzzles

 **uh peter** im eating popcorn and watching “new girl”

 **uh peter** just started the show today but i think im falling in love with it

 **betty brant** omg!! it’s probably my favorite sitcom!

 **charles murphey** “friends” 4ever

 **cindy moon** i like “how i met your mother”

 **mj** “new girl” is a winner just for having winston bishop in it

 **mj** sorry not sorry

 **betty brant** that’s okay, you’re only speaking the truth

 **cindy moon** my lesbian ass had the biggest crush on cece but i actually didnt finish the show i dont remember why

 **cindy moon** i think i’ll get back to it today

 **ned** lol i’ll start watching it too then

 **uh peter** maybe you catch up quickly to 1x04 and i’ll wait for you and from there we’ll watch together??

 **ned** totally!!!

* * *

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

i love how clint sometimes just looks at the other avengers and says to himself ‘nope, not today’ and he turns his hearing aids off

|

**hawkear @eyesold**

clint says fUCK YOU and he means it. we stan

|

 **clint barton @hawkeyeofc** replying to @blackwidow

it’s either that or one day i’ll commit homiecide

-

**ned @inthechair**

[having to cough out in public]EXCUSE ME. everyone. i need to inform you all that i do NOT have the covid i simply have CHOKED on my OWN spit bc i am TRULY INCOMPETENT as a HUMAN.

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

i sneezed at the grocery store yesterday, people just stopped and looked to me like i just pulled a gun on them

|

**charles murphey @charlieboi**

“STOP. this is a HOLD UP. GIMME UR VALUABLES OR I WILL S N E E Z E”

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

i literally coughed in public few days ago and 4 people turned around. tf is this? the voice?

|

**abe brown @thatisfalse**

2020 just be like that

* * *

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

I apologize for a possible storm with thunder today, I am not in the greatest spirit.

|

**‘point break’ @th4mm3r**

NORMALIZE HAVING BAD DAYS AND THE NEED TO JUST BE SAD AND PROCESS THIS EMOTION

|

**alec @a_senn**

literally my favorite thing to normalize

|

**disaster pan @epancake**

also as we’re here normalizing stuff, how abt putting our pronouns in bio even if we’re cis??

|

**ale @revengers**

* * *

**betty brant @bbant**

“why does twitter romanticize hades so much?” idk clarice, maybe we’re just tired, and life’s uncertain, and we like the idea of a stable husband w/ a steady job & a big dog & his own place away from all the loud, shapeshifting-kink party gods.

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

persephone, we know this is u

* * *

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

dad culture is pointing to a ‘road works’ sign and saying “then why are they fixing it?”

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

if you haven’t done that, you’re not really a dad. sorry, i didn’t make the rules.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

meanwhile Gen Z culture is seeing a ‘road work ahead’ and saying “ah, yeah, i sure hope it does.” and it’s exhausting to listen to

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

ok boomer

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

i’m–

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

@BlackPanther come control your sister

|

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

I’m afraid that is impossible to do, my friend.

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

🤪✌🏿

|

**celia @curlyone**

when i grow up i want to be princess shuri

* * *

**direct messages; uh peter & ned**

**uh peter** there’s something i haven’t told you

 **ned** what

 **uh peter** i met a guy a month ago

 **ned** omg

 **uh** **peter** and at first i thought that it’s just a crush but i think i really like him

 **ned** OMG

 **ned** and you’re only just telling me now?!

 **uh** **peter** i’m sorry!

 **ned** who is he and where’d u meet

 **uh** **peter** his name is quentin. i bumped into him in one lab of SI and i almost spilled coffee all over him (i would if not for last second spidey instinct kicking in) and he wasnt mad or annoyed or anything

 **ned** oop

 **uh** **peter** he was just so kind and even asked if im okay cuz i looked terrible b/c i spent around 70 hours without sleep just on caffeine

 **ned** is he an intern?

 **uh peter** yeah but im pretty sure he’s gonna get the job after his internship ends because he’s super smart

 **uh peter** we worked together a few times since that first meeting

 **uh peter** quite a lot actually because we start working and then suddenly four hours went by like nothing?? he’s just so easy to talk to and he’s definitely became my favorite intern to work with

 **uh peter** and he doesn’t treat me like ‘the stark kid’ like almost everyone else. i just feel like me, like normal me.

 **ned** oh my god you got it bad

 **uh peter** what?? not that bad

 **ned** just read what you wrote dude

 **uh peter** omg i got it bad

 **ned** can’t you just ask him out and see how it goes

 **uh peter** me? asking someone out??

 **uh peter** HAVE U MET ME

 **ned** yeah but if you like him so much, it’s worth trying harder

 **uh peter** also he’s 20 years old

 **uh peter** t w e n t y

 **ned** you turned 17 already, it’s just 3 years

 **uh peter** but he’s gonna be a college senior after summer, plus he’s ✨so beautiful✨,, he could have anyone he wants and not a high school student

 **ned** he’s 20yo but he’s gonna be starting his fourth college year already?

 **uh peter** yea he started college faster ‘cause he’s this smart

 **ned** dude, you have to at least TRY to ask him out. u’ll regret it 4ever if u won’t

 **uh** **peter** AGHHH

 **uh** **peter** alright i’ll do it

 **ned** really?!

 **uh peter** but i’ll wait just a little longer to make sure he’s not dating some1 already and just haven’t mentioned it or to make sure he’s not str8 or maybe by some miracle he’ll ask me out first in the meantime

 **ned** i just want u to know that u disappoint me🥴😩

 **uh peter** look who’s talking!

 **uh peter** when r u gonna ask out betty?

 **ned** i plead the 5th

 **uh** **peter** ugh

* * *

**charles murphey @charlieboi**

history essays in 2053: “explain the use and role of memes as a coping mechanism during the corona virus pandemic of 2020”

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

i already started writing them and when the children get the topic i will be selling them online (on a worldwide scale)

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

a queen of planning

|

 **betty brant @bbant** replying to @ccandym

this just in: midtown student cindy moon about to get rich in 30 to 40 years

* * *

**rich boy @harryosborn**

me: did you store my data?

mongodb: yes. no… maybe?

|

**ned @inthechair**

can you repeat the question?

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

i came here looking for this answer

|

 **sally avril @arlielvril** replying to @harryosborn

“i’ve stored it, but you might mot get it back when you ask for it”

|

 **gideon @cpgeegee** replying to @harryosborn

oracle: optimized for write

hadoop: optimized for read

mongodb: optimized for delete

* * *

**direct messages; uh peter & Tony Stark**

**uh peter** truth or dare

 **Tony Stark** truth

 **uh peter** ,,,,

 **uh peter** dare or dare

 **Tony Stark** dare

 **uh peter** adopt a cat for me

 **Tony Stark** no, thank you

 **uh peter** dad

 **uh peter** it is critical that we adopt a cat

 **Tony Stark** the tower isn’t a place for animals

 **uh peter** im not talking about just ANY animal!

 **uh peter** i’m talking about a kitty who’s owner died in the hospital of covid and now she doesn’t have anyone cuz the owner didn’t have any family and the neighbors that were taking care of her for now can’t keep her

 **uh peter** she lived in an apartment her entire life so she won’t have a problem with penthouse

 **uh peter** and she’s potty trained and all

**uh peter**

**uh peter** that’s her^^ name’s Smoothie

 **Tony Stark** if we got a cat there would be fur all over the penthouse and i bet you wouldn’t be the one cleaning it

 **uh peter** i could

 **Tony Stark** and you would have to convince Pepper on your own

 **uh peter** then i will

**Tony Stark** good luck then. if she agrees, i'll agree too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn’t decide who to pair peter with (from the ppl i listed in notes long time ago) and then i remembered just how much i love the energy that tom holland and jake gyllenhaal have and it’s obv an au fic so i decided to make quentin just 3 years older than peter and super smart si intern and pair them together !! hope you like it (beck won’t be evil mysterio in this fic ever because it’s a comfort fic and not angst thank you bye)
> 
> i know it ended up being short but i wanted to keep it that way and the next chapter will have peter tweets again, i already started writing it so i hope i'll post it sometime soon


	10. i have a baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **rich boy @harryosborn**  
>  WHY WASN’T I ASKED TO BE A GODPARENT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting new chapters like boom  
> \+ merry christmas everyone! eat and sleep a lot and have an awesome day!!

**uh peter @parkours**

*taps mic* *leans forward* *clears throat*

i have a baby

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

We’re only fostering.

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey.

|

**ironstan @stanman**

THIS IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALL AT ONCE

|

**ironstan @stanman**

AND TOO LITTLE AT THE SAME TIME

|

 **ashley** **@fivetwo** replying to @SICEO

im- lost?

|

 **rogers** **stan** **@americasass** replying to @parkours

what baby???

|

 **stark(s) stan @bumvoila** replying to @parkours

i’m so happy you’re back but what?!

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @parkours

are you talking about my godchild🌸💕

|

**uh peter @parkours**

of course my dude💕

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

you’re unnecessarily dramatic

|

**ned @inthechair**

you’re just jealous because i was asked to be a godparent first AND you’re sharing the title while i hold it proudly all by me myself & i

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

WHY WASN’T I ASKED TO BE A GODPARENT

|

**uh peter @parkours**

because you’re extremely irresponsible and my child deserves better than that

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

ok but - and listen closely - i’m rich so i could spoil her with toys

|

**uh peter @parkours**

you make a good argument

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

you’re literally the heir to stark industries

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

don’t take the one argument i have away from me

**uh peter @parkours**

@inthechair ned dude buddy the light of my life

|

**ned @inthechair**

no, dont do this to me

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i’m sorry but u’ll have to share the title

|

**ned @inthechair**

i’m having a heart attack

**uh peter @parkours**

@harryosborn will you be my child’s fourth godparent?

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

i don’t know, it seems like a big responsibility

|

**uh peter @parkours**

HARRY U COWARD

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

yes i will😭 omg what an honor😩 thank you for trusting me with this💙

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i don’t trust you with this and i want it on the record

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

What does that make me? A great uncle or a second grandfather?

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

we’re o n l yf o s t e r i n g. stay on my side here honey bear.

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

@parkours sweetie, can you explain already because people are getting ideas?

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

This is my baby. Her name is Smoothie and I will be adopting her. She’s been living with us for 3 weeks now and she already deemed this as her favorite spot.

|

**ned @inthechair**

oh, my godchild. she’s so beautiful😍

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

my godchild as well

|

**ned @inthechair**

in this country money really can buy everything

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

will you ever get over this

|

**ned @inthechair**

never

* * *

**bucky @jbbarnes**

casual announcement that i love peter’s cat and even more i love the fact that she hates sam

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

well i’m not too fond of her either

* * *

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

Your midgardian animals all seem very fragile.

|

**loki @snakeygod**

yes. let’s hear it how you thought midgardians were riding their cats.

|

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

I simply expected them to have a purpose.

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

the purpose is to cuddle

|

**sunflower widow @amieyst**

i love this entire thread

* * *

**direct messages; uh peter & ned**

**uh peter** houston we have a problem

 **ned** im here

 **uh peter** my child adores quentin

 **uh peter** he met her for not even 15 minutes before she crawled into his arms and demanded to be cuddled

 **uh peter**

**ned** uwu

 **uh peter** and he actually was just holding her like that without complaining until she got tired of it

 **uh peter** perfect baby daddy or what

 **ned** peter i have a crush on this guy FOR YOU alright you need to do something

 **ned** and also can i come over tomorrow b/c i miss my godchild already

 **uh peter** yep i’m free from 5pm to the end of the day

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

i don’t know who needs to hear this, but physics ≠ mathematics.

|

**tabasco @miechyslawp**

i don't know who needs to hear this, but mathematics > physics

|

**uh peter @parkours**

|

 **alexander @ajbraun** replying to @parkours

Is it a coincidence that many of the researchers using mathematics to model the pandemic are theoretical physicists?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

maybe that’s why the modelling’s so off most of the time 😀

|

**pink panther @wakandanprincess**

preach

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

OH MY GOD I FORGOT I HAD ZOOM CLASSES TODAY AFTER MIDDAY AS WELL

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

that’s fine, i keep forgetting we’re back to school too

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

b/c you dummies share one brain cell

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @parkours

this is what happens when we’re not in the same class

|

 **Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot** replying to @parkours

Someone wants to be grounded?

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

obviously.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

wonder who that someone is though, right..?

|

 **flash @intheflash** replying to @parkours

if you mean AP Physics i always record classes so i can send you those from today

|

**uh peter @parkours**

omg yes, please! i can pay you with my life

|

**flash @intheflash**

nah that’s fine, you can keep it

* * *

**sasha @hoopinup**

I SAW SPIDER-MAN TODAY & HE WAS JUST CASUALLY SITTING ON THE FIRE ESCAPE STAIRS AND EATING CHURROS

|

**spooder @spmnyc**

oh yea he loves those

|

**uh peter @parkours**

there’s actually this one elderly lady that he always helps with carrying groceries and she always gives him churros as a thank you

|

**harshi @captaintrouble**

i really needed this information today

|

 **ale @revengers** replying to @parkours

THAT’S SO SWEET OMG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y’all like Smoothie🥺
> 
> (i think somewhere at the end of the next chapter i’ll stark introducing christmas to catch up to our real life times)


	11. shade-throwing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mj @blcdahlia**  
>  yea Balto didn’t bust his ass across the Alaskan tundra in 1925 to get those vaccines for dying children, for you to talk bullshit now karen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> third chapter in a short time because i love ignoring my responsibilities

**uh peter @parkours**

today we started classes at 7:30am and i had about two hours of sleep and when i answered a question it was a correct answer but the teacher dared to say “explain your thought process” anyway💀💀

|

**uh peter @parkours**

man it fits😭 what more do you want from me

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

ap chem at that hour in the morning shouldn’t even be allowed

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

im pretty sure mr cobbwell himself was napping at least once during this class

|

**uh peter @parkours**

wait, you’re in ap chem with mr cobbwell too?

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

no but i had ap lit at 8am and it was extremely boring so i logged in to yall for about 20 minutes

|

**ned @inthechair**

did you get the meeting info or did u hack in?

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

cindy gave me info

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

👋 and did you sketch someone in crisis?

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

yea the problem was just choosing who ‘cause everyone had some drama goin on

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

i’ll send mr cobbwell napping in crisis to the aca dec gc

|

 **not so stable @l3anguage** replying to @parkours

i would write in chat that my microphone isn’t working so respect for participating my dude

|

**cinnamon assassin @sgtbarnes**

yea, I do it all the time. actually wonder whether my teachers are this gullible or they just don’t care anymore.

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @parkours

or when they ask “what is going on in that head of yours” ??nothing i want to be a part of

|

 **pink panther @wakandaforever** replying to @parkours

so annoying when you know the answer right away but ppl expect you to give a 15 minutes explanation for it??? what is the purpose?

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

hi there, i just stole peter’s phone while he’s busy. would you like me to expose anything?

|

**miles @mor4l3s**

who are you

|

 **tessi @cappeanut** replying to @parkours

can you see if he has any pictures of smoothie??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

here she is being cute and lazy

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and here she is being held by me because im her favorite human to be held by

|

 **briana @brihalan** replying to @parkours

what’s peter doing?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

playing with a prototype of illusion technology we just made so it might take a while ‘cause he adores messing around w/ holographic projections

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

are you stark industries employee/intern?

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

fun fact. peter prefers tea but will drink coffee when he’s really tired EVEN IF there’s strong tea around with just as much caffeine as that coffee he’s drinking

|

**uh peter @parkours**

he’s just weird like that

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

yes, throw shade at him

|

 **remi @whitewidow** replying to @parkours

tbh i prefer tea as well but i still drink coffee every morning for breakfast

|

 **uh peter @parkours** replying to @parkours

another fun fact. even though peter isn’t the biggest fan of coffee, he wanted to call his cat “Mocha”. in the end, he didn’t call her that only because she already had a name.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

later he tried to justify “the name ‘mocha’ as in a JavaScript test framework” but it was already too late when he said “b/c she’s as sweet as the last Mocha I drunk in McCafe”

|

**ned @inthechair**

why are you trying to take him down??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

because he crushed my zoom meeting with my ld&dc professor and talked bullshit and embarrassed me after he sweared he’d be quiet

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

f

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

lmao

|

 **walsh @nonconnor** replying to @parkours

what’s ld&dc??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

logical design and digital circuits

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

lastly, peter loves watching yt vloges like “a week in medical school” or “a day in life of a doctor” but he has no intention of ever actually going to med school. have a nice day.

|

**ashley @fivetwo**

lol i do the same. it’s just entertaining as well as educational.

|

 **elliot @tellme** replying to @parkours

please can the nameless guy come back and give us more

|

 **hawkear @eyesold** replying to @parkours

not being the biggest fan of coffee tho?? can’t relate

* * *

**abe brown @thatisfalse**

god i am not one of your strongest soldiers deadass stop i ain’t do anything to u

|

**charles murphey @charlieboi**

i can relate

|

 **flash @intheflash** replying to @@thatisfalse

that’s me yelling at ms warren that this is enough

* * *

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

please remember that if someone puts their hands on you without consent, you have permission to cut them off

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

thank you, will remember

|

 **Steve Rogers @CptAmerica** replying to @blackwidow

Natasha, no.

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

Natasha, yes.

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

Natasha, yes.

**loki @snakeygod**

so humans can cut hands off of each other but i slightly stab someone and it’s a big deal??

|

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

Yes, brother. Because you know where to slightly stab enough to kill.

|

**loki @snakeygod**

ur telling me that if a human cuts off another human’s hands this human won’t experience blood loss and most likely die????

|

**loki @snakeygod**

oh to allfather! brother, do you ever take a day off from being an idiot?

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

yeah i heard he takes turns with stevie

|

**loki @snakeygod**

that would certainly make sense

|

**chilli @niceknives**

im loving the shade-throwing today

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

everything quentin told you was a lie so let’s just ignore all the tweets he wrote

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

oh so it’s not true then that smoothie loves being held in his arms the most if she had to choose out of all the arms?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

why would you bring that up, you know that it’s true and you know that i’m sensitive

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

i’m sorry, i live to destroy. i didn’t mean that but it’s just habit.

|

**r briggs @thetwin**

me casually hurting people like^

* * *

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

The Pfizer / BioNTech vaccine is 95% effective! The end is in sight - will take time to roll out but we can now start protecting vulnerable people with an effective vaccine!! Check out <https://www.U-GINResearchGroup.int/covid-19-vaccines>

**Bruce Banner @doctorhulk**

Does an effective vaccine mean that life will soon go back to normal? How soon? When might a vaccine start to have an impact? Still early days but great news. <https://www.U-GINResearchGroup.int/covid-19-vaccines>

**Doctor H. Cho @HelenCho**

Analysis of COVID-19 saRNA LNP vaccine in mice - the T cell ELISpot assay measures the number of responding cells to determine vaccine cellular immunogenicity. <https://www.U-GINResearchGroup.int/covid-19-vaccines>

**uh peter @parkours**

let’s say thank you for the vaccine to dr cho and dr banner and shuri and their whole team💞

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

thank you is useless, give me food

|

 **disaster pan @epancake** replying to @parkours

|

 **abe brown @thatisfalse** replying to @parkours

we got em cancelled boys #covidisoverparty

**ned @inthechair**

to everyone scared that the vaccine is just a trick so they can put tracking chips in our bodies: are you reading this on the GPS enabled smart device that you voluntarily purchased and unlocked with your face and/or fingerprint and willingly carry everywhere with you?

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

anti-vaxxers: aNd WhAt AbOuT iT

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

yea Balto didn’t bust his ass across the Alaskan tundra in 1925 to get those vaccines for dying children, for you to talk bullshit now karen

**rich boy @harryosborn**

when covid is over “mask off” will be the #1 song in the world and then we’ll finally understand why his name is future

* * *

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

get it tho: thor and loki were myths and now we know they’re real so what if every god in every religion exists

|

**uh peter @parkours**

like egyptian, hindu, and greek gods alike are all chillin on some clouds

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

and since every deity has something to control in the mortal world they get into fights on who’s turn is it to do the job since there’s more than one

|

**uh peter @parkours**

“helios it’s my turn to rise the sun”

“ra for the last fucking time you did it last week”

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

disney what are you waiting for

|

 **potato guy @conn3ct3d** replying to @parkours

since when r u following me

|

**uh peter @parkours**

since i heard song lyrics go “make my mood go south like tennessee / make the fool come out like who is he“ and u live in tennes*ee

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

why do u know where i live

|

**uh peter @parkours**

anthony edward stark is a snitch

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

oh right, keep vibin then

* * *

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

just heard a woman yell at her kid “put the god damn present for your god damn father in the cart!”

happy holiday season.

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

can really feel the mistletoe in the air

|

**wallflower @atypical**

lmao the coffee shop in my neighborhood smells like cinnamon already, they do that every year

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

it’s missing aunt may hours once again

|

**uh peter @parkours**

but with the time difference and her job hours i can’t even call her right now

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

where is she?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

italy, moved there a few months ago for work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when there's collage of 2 photos it's just as if someone attached 2 pics in a tweet, figured that would work better than uploading the pictures seperately
> 
> please get vaccinated as soon as you can : )


	12. christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **uh peter @parkours**  
>  today for my zoom classes i wore rick and morty christmas t-shirt AND santa’s hat with red sequins because i need everyone to know that i’m extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the nice comments you guys!! it’s incredibly motivating <3

**direct messages; ned & uh peter**

**ned** so the guy who stole your phone is THE quentin??

 **ned** like the crush??

 **uh peter** yes

 **uh peter** and im exhausted

 **uh peter** like he’s so cute??

 **uh peter** he called me “bae” today????

 **ned** how

 **uh peter** just casually said it in a sentence

 **ned** give me the sentence

 **uh peter** it was just “thanks bae” and then he went back to his work like nothing

 **ned** oh my god

 **ned** he likes you back

 **uh peter** but what if it was more of a joke still??

 **ned** P E T E R

 **ned** you need to make a move right now

 **uh peter** i can’t now in a christmas season

 **uh peter** too much is happening

 **ned** do i need to talk to MJ abt this

 **uh peter** no pls no

 **ned** but srsly tho u have to take a risk

 **ned** otherwise ur gonna just stay miserable pining after him while someone else snatches him up

 **uh peter** i know dude

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

today for my zoom classes i wore rick and morty christmas t-shirt AND santa’s hat with red sequins because i need everyone to know that i’m extra

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and then smoothie crushed my aca dec team meeting bc she was fascinated w/ my santa hat and lemme tell you, productivity dropped to -50

|

**sally avril @arlielvril**

she’s really cute tho!!

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and when you showed us your rabbit- - he’s so beautiful!!

|

**cindy moon @ccandym**

yes when everyone suddenly started showing their pets🥺🥺 my favorite zoom meeting

|

 **Roger Harrington @RHarrington** replying to @parkours

It was definitely an entertainment.

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @parkours

my godchild is a majesty

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

my godchild as well

|

**ned @inthechair**

shut cho skin tone chicken bone google chrome no hone flip phone dis hoe ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome genome monochrome student loan indiana jones overgrown flintstone x and y hormone sylvester stallone sierra leone autozone bitch ass up.

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

every time i re-read this tweet it gets funnier

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

i love bringing it up with ned💀💫

|

 **adult swim @rmferra** replying to @parkours

r u a fan of rick and morty??

|

**uh peter @parkours**

to be honest with you i’ve never seen an episode. it’s sitting on my list of series to watch but idk when i’ll start. i just have the t-shirt cause it was a gift

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

leaving hand sanitizer and a thermometer gun out for santa this year instead of milk and cookies

|

**bread davis @ehkhem**

santa isn’t real

|

**uh peter @parkours**

“santa isn’t real” ok? i literally saw him at the mall last year

|

**flash @intheflash**

people lie for whatever reason

|

 **potato guy @conn3ct3d** replying to @parkours

but did you see him this year

|

**uh peter @parkours**

of course not he’s social distancing at the north pole wtf is wrong with you janice

|

**uh peter @parkours**

seriously the elves make the toys in their houses cause they can’t even go to factory b/c that would be too much ppl in 1 building and ya think mr santa claus is gonna travel to different countries and walk around the malls and also endanger his reindeers?? think b4 u write pls

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

i honestly can’t tell if you’re offended or just pretending

|

**uh peter @parkours**

idk i forgot

|

**ned @inthechair**

what is happening

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

quick someone make a joke

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

stop spamming under my tweet you losers

**Tony Stark @ironman**

their last tweets are the exact reason why peter and harley were never supposed to find out about each other

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

and then we outsmarted you

|

**uh peter @parkours**

the change is coming and you will not be ready

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

wait is that a threat

|

**uh peter @parkours**

idk maybe

|

**potato guy @conn3ct3d**

that ‘ll depend on the mood

|

**briana @brihalan**

i’m goin to go make popcorn

**ned @inthechair**

if santa isn’t real then who just got into my apartment without a key? checkmate non-believers

|

**ned @inthechair**

help i think im being robbed

|

**uh peter @parkours**

@NYPD where is u when we need you

|

**flash @intheflash**

don’t fuck around with them just yell for spider-man and pray he hears it

|

**ned @inthechair**

jk just kidding my dudes misters police officers mr spider everything’s fine

|

**uh peter @parkours**

OMG NED I WAS ABOUT TO SEND A NUKE

|

**ned @inthechair**

THAT WOULD WIPE ME OUT TOO!

|

**uh peter @parkours**

ik that’s why i couldn’t do it

|

**ned @inthechair**

bro

|

**uh peter @parkours**

bro

* * *

**flash @intheflash**

“my child is fine” your child used to be so excited for christmas but now they feel nothing

|

**bella @moskitos**

i feel you, i used to get so excited for special occasions like christmas or birthdays but now it’s just :///

|

**flash @intheflash**

yea everyday has basically the same boring energy

|

**uh peter @parkours**

if you feel numb right now it’s ok. it’s just that your brain has had to put up a lot of walls to cope but one day you will be able to take them down i promise

|

**milo @estincan**

never thought that me being numb is my brain’s way of protecting me but i like that explanation

* * *

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

hear me out: spray-on wrapping paper

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

love it, sign me up. i wrap like a 2 year old

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

i think we all wrap like 2 year olds

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

keep telling urself that

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @hawkeyeofc

that wouldn’t actually be too hard to do

|

**Bruce Banner @doctorhulk**

just expensive, comparing to normal wrapping paper

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

today is a day for self care✨

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

yass

|

 **ash @ajbuckley** replying to @parkours

geez, you’re a crush

|

 **alec @a_senn** replying to @parkours

today is a day to do nothing all day

* * *

**kyara @scientistsi**

in the new chapter of non-confidential working at stark industries: i just heard (3rd time today) “we are the champions” playing from the speakers ???

**Tony Stark @ironman** retweeted with a comment

@parkours what did you do?

> **kyara @scientistsi**
> 
> in the new chapter of non-confidential working at stark industries: i just heard (3rd time today) “we are the champions” playing from the speakers ???

|

**uh peter @parkours**

why do you immediately assume it’s me ?????

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

You know why, now answer the question.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i might have nicely asked friday to play “we are the champions” every time when me and/or tasha come into a room that sam and/or clint are in

|

**the intern stan @sweetcheeks**

kskskskska why

|

**uh peter @parkours**

because we played mario kart 2v2 aND ME AND TASHA WON

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

you were cheating

|

**uh peter @parkours**

sure jan

|

 **natasha romanov @blackwidow** replying to @TheFalcon

with all that losing you’re doing, i’d expect you to take defeat better by now

|

 **clint barton @hawkeyeofc** replying to @TheFalcon

man i am still feeling betrayed by that controller

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

santa knows physics: of all colors, red light penetrates fog best. that’s why benny the blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.

|

**#3 @neverbetter**

thought it was yellow light? otherwise how do you explain fog lights on cars being yellow and not red?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

watt for watt, yellow light looks much brighter to the human eye than red (better for overall visibility). yellow does just fine in the fog but not better than red

|

**#3 @neverbetter**

oh that’s cool. thanks

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

feeling a bit upset abt when 65 m yrs ago, a catastrophic asteroid strike wiped out not only the dinosaurs but practically every animal weighing over 25 kg (excepting leatherback sea turtles & some crocodiles ofc) with then the 1st humans arising less than 1 m yrs ago but that’s fine i guess ;//

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

Um-

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @parkours

normal people: today sucks

peter: *this*

|

 **pink panther @wakandaforever** replying to @parkours

what happened

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i am totally head over heels crushing on someone and they aren’t making it any easier for me

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

oh that

|

**uh peter @parkours**

please dont

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

why don’t I know the person you have a crush on?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

because i talked with pepper about this ‘cause she’s better at this

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

excuse me?

|

**uh peter @parkours**

you’re gonna get weird and google everything about him/her/them or talk to him/her/them or something and i don’t want that

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

well of course I need to see what kind of person is this

|

**uh peter @parkours**

that’s why you’ll never know

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

i can find out you know

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

Tony, you will not be snooping in Peter’s private matters. When he’ll be ready, he’ll come and talk to you about it.

|

**uh peter @parkours**

thanks mom💛

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

Of course, sweetheart.

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

both turned against me I see

**mj @blcdahlia**

sorry in advance for peter but he’s miserable and pathetic and will be most likely taking it out on twitter

|

**ned @inthechair**

oh so he finally told you

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

yea we were watching christmas movies and there was romance in them and he got triggered

|

**uh peter @parkours**

cause this is exhausting. its not the first time i have a crush but its the first time im pining so bad wtf

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

it’s ok, we all sometimes just need a person who has soft hair we can play with

|

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

Sister?

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

incognito mode activate

|

**maya @dayknight**

literally me in this situation

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

could be us but you don’t want me

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

@ned come collect the dramatic mf

|

**ned @inthechair**

peter you haven’t even told him how you feel you have no idea whether he wants you or not

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

not taking the risk but instead assuming the worst💘💘 this is what we do bro

|

 **angēl @wcastiel** replying to @parkours

you may think u ain’t shit but someone’s out there falling in love w/ ur every awkward ass move babe

|

 **quentin @kubeck** replying to @parkours

whoever doesn’t want you is an idiot, you’re amazing bae

|

**uh peter @parkours**

first of all like since when are you on twitter because i had no idea

|

**quentin @kubeck**

since a few years ago, i’m just not here very often

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yea?? i can see you haven’t tweeted in almost a year only answering to other’s tweets??

|

**quentin @kubeck**

some of us have shit to do

|

**uh peter @parkours**

some of us have insomnia ;)

|

**ashley @fivetwo**

doesn’t sound healthy

|

**uh peter @parkours**

oh no it isn’t

* * *

**group dm; academic decathlon team**

**uh peter** im gonna die

 **uh peter** the crush???? fucking has twitter

 **uh peter** like?? how many of my tweets did he saw did i hint anything what if he figures it out

 **uh peter** NED HELP ME

 **flash** pretty sure you got wrong dm

 **uh peter** oh fucking fantastic now

 **uh peter** can someone shoot me in the head

 **Roger Harrington** Please, without cussing.

 **uh peter** sorry sir

 **uh peter** would someone be so kind and commit homicide on me please and thank you:))

 **mj** you’re overreacting

 **uh peter** yea of course i am have you met me

 **sally avril** sounds like real problems right here

 **cindy moon** spill the tea peter maybe we’ll help

 **uh peter** sorry ma’am but there is no helping

 **uh peter** i will just have to bury myself in the dirt where i belong

 **ned** he’s been pining for months now and i’ve been telling him to make a move but it’s like talking to a brick wall

 **cindy moon** omg u never even told the guy u like him??

 **uh peter** ok but have u considered: laying off me?

 **uh peter** of course i haven’t told him he’s a college senior who looks like a greek god is incredibly smart and also passionate about his work and he’s so kind and funny he might as well be an angel

 **sally avril** do u want me to screenshot this and dm it to him?

 **mj** yes please

 **uh peter** NO

 **uh peter** dont u have anything better to do than my drama anyway

 **charles murphey** actually no

 **cindy moon** we really don’t

 **uh peter** sighs internally, sighs externally, sighs eternally

 **mj** sucks to suck

 **uh peter** in conclusion, you are all useless

 **abe brown** why thank you

* * *

**harley @conn3ct3d**

the irish word for santa claus literally translates to “daddy december” and i don’t know how to feel about that

|

**ironstan @stanman**

great now i have to kinkshame ALL of IRELAND

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

christmas movie tip; if you watch die hard straight after love actually, alan rickman will be punished for what he did to emma thompson

|

**betty brant @bbant**

alright im doing it then

|

 **captn @bninenine** replying to @blcdahlia

literally up until last year i thought die hard was just some movie title made up by b99 writers and not that it was real movie in our timeline

* * *

**sally avril @arlielvril**

for christmas i bought my parents an amazon echo so they’ll can shout at it and get disappointed by all it can’t do. i will finally be replaced by alexa🙏🏼🙏🏼 and i can’t wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the next chapter it will be after christmas and we’ll be getting into new year spirit because thank you next
> 
> quentin and peter will finally make a move (one of them) soon as well so im excited for when ill be finally writing it!!


	13. hppy new year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **harley @conn3ct3d**  
>  i think it’s cute that we’re all pretending shit will be back to normal on january 1st 2021. i love that about us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly changed @’s of some of midtown students but it’s still easy to tell who is who  
> pbps @parkours  
> mj @blcdahlia  
> ned @inthechair  
> cindy ☽ @ccandym  
> abe @thatisfalse  
> charles @mblue  
> b3tty @bbant  
> sally aww @arlielvril  
> flash @fthompson

**jason @jlonello**

i just took the christmas tree down. gonna dye easter eggs this afternoon

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

that’s so sad. my tree is staying up 12 days and then im shifting into a hygge mode.

|

**b3tty @bbant**

i just learned a new word & we need to make hygge a thing in 2021

|

 **flash @fthompson** replying to @jlonello

cuz there are 361 days till christmas and some people already have their lights up. unbelievable.

|

**charles @mblue**

the nerve im telling ya

|

**ned @inthechair**

not even halloween yet😳

|

 **bread davis @ehkhem** replying to @jlonello

ha! we’re already putting 4th of july decorations out

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

ok, mr always-got-one-better

|

 **duncan @lcpdforse** replying to @jlonello

arent you gonna sign valentine’s day cards first?

|

**jason @jlonello**

can’t. i’m lonely and awkward

|

**pbps @parkours**

lol “i’m lonely and awkward” an autobiography by me

**ashley @fivetwo**

@parkours whats up with ur name being ‘pbps’ and not ‘uh peter’ anymore

|

**pbps @parkours**

i needed a change and i cant dye my hair red cause im a coward (and also dad said no, thank god) so i changed my tt name

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

what does pbps stand for

|

**pbps @parkours**

it’s all my initials🤭

|

**pepperony @evfstaken**

and so in conclusion the S at the end is for Stark, thank you for coming to my ted talk

* * *

**rich boy @harryosborn**

don’t ask what my resolution is. there are 3 days left in this garbage year and i am focusing on being my worst possible self for every minute of them. “exercise more”? “eat better”? go to hell, im gonna burn down a tgi fridays

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

tgi fridays if you see this i promise i am joking and i will delete this post in exchange for mozzarela sticks

|

**ned @inthechair**

@TGIFridays

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

why ya gotta snitch

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @harryosborn

wait, this ISNT your daily routine?

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

it will NEVER be friday as long as i’m around

* * *

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

the weirdest 5 days of the year are the 5 between christmas day and new years eve. like what day is it? do i have to work? is school in session? should i pour a drink at 10am? is it new year yet? like what the what

|

**loki @snakeygod**

just scream

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

wtf what a genius advice

|

**loki @snakeygod**

thank you dear, that’s my personality

|

**THOR @GodOfThunder**

Is it, though?

|

**loki @snakeygod**

shut it weather boy

|

 **natasha romanov @blackwidow** replying to @GodOfThunder

love how thor is getting sassier every day

|

**‘point break’ @th4mm3r**

literally the content that i live for

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

im a go-getter. ive started my new year’s resolutions now so i can have them broken by jan 1st

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

no one likes an overachiever

|

**pbps @parkours**

can’t talk, separating my egg whites

|

 **bucky @jbbarnes** replying to @parkours

good choice. avoid procrastinating in 2021

|

 **harley @conn3ct3d** replying to @parkours

lol i started yesterday

|

**pbps @parkours**

show off much?

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @parkours

you a go-getter? tell it to the aca dec study packets you only read the last day

|

**pbps @parkours**

why are you attacking me omg

|

**ned @inthechair**

or the homework u forget abt and then do it 5 minutes b4 class

|

**pbps @parkours**

ok i didnt come here to b literally dragged?? goodbye

* * *

**harley @conn3ct3d**

i think it’s cute that we’re all pretending shit will be back to normal on january 1st 2021. i love that about us

|

**abb-e (keen)er @kekebe**

fake it till you make it, am i right

|

**pbps @parkours replying to @conn3ct3d**

praying circle:

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

if you need a sacrifice for the circle i am available

|

**pbps @parkours**

that’s a little concerning how fast you volunteered but thank you i will keep that in mind🙏

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

thats all im asking for😌

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

am i dumb or did my aunt develop italian accent when she speaks english

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

why not both

|

**ned @inthechair**

yea probably both

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

if not both then the am i dumb for sure

|

**pbps @parkours**

oh okay i see how it is

**pbps @parkours**

hello my name is peter and i am looking for some new friends because my old ones are dead to me

|

**kyara @scientistsi**

hello peter, my name is kyara. it’s nice to *meet* you

|

**pbps @parkours**

hello kyara. you’re the si intern that snitched on me once, right?

|

**kyara @scientistsi**

unintentionally though

|

**pbps @parkours**

that’s forgivable

|

**pbps @parkours**

what u interning in anyway??

|

**kyara @scientistsi**

biochemistry

|

**pbps @parkours**

no way!! have u worked with dr reyes?

|

**kyara @scientistsi**

yes! she’s actually overseeing my main project rn

|

**pbps @parkours**

she’s so smart and cool like¿¿¿ you’re so lucky to have her omg. can i drop by one day to see your project?

|

**kyara @scientistsi**

yeah, that would be amazing!

**pbps @parkours**

just made a new friend lol replacing the old ones is so easy

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

dont be a coward, at least @ us next time

|

**pbps @parkours**

just made a new friend (@scientistsi) lol replacing the old ones (@blcdahlia, @inthechair, @harryosborn) is so easy

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

notification? received, message? read, feelings? hurt.

|

 **ned @inthechair** replying to @conn3ct3d

so that’s the end? just like that?

|

**pbps @parkours**

idk what to tell you, i just dont feel in this relationship like i am appreciated anymore

|

**ned @inthechair**

but you are! appreciated, respected, & loved

|

**ned @inthechair**

im sorry if i made u feel any less😔 id like to make it up to you, if you let me

|

**pbps @parkours**

i would like nothing more🥺💙

|

**fe @ironmam**

half convinced they are in love

|

**pbps @parkours**

you ain’t real bros if ppl don’t mistake you two for a couple🤷‍♂️ sorry i didn’t make the rules

|

**ned @inthechair**

literally flash called peter my boyfriend at a party once and i was just standing there thinking we are so much more than that

|

**celia @curlyone**

being so comfortable w/ ur masculinity & sexuality AND adoring ur best friend so much you dont scare away when ppl joke/assume ur a couple✨✨ that’s how i want my boys to be

* * *

**oscar @goldenrings**

my boyfriend got his covid vaccine yesterday and i can tell you the most prominent side effect is the inability to shut up about getting the covid vaccine

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

we like, retweet, and stan

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @goldenrings

just let the king be

* * *

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

my 5yo sister got a watch for christmas and now she’s announcing the time every single minute. please respect our privacy during this difficult time.

|

**charles @mblue**

r u ok??

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

not at all, thanks for asking

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

poor soul of one cindy moon🙏🏽

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @ccandym

she woke up and chose torture

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

how did this strange man get my number

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

poor white boy, having to deal with your bullshit🤧

|

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

Sister, don’t curse! You’re a princess.

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

ugh take a chill pill your honor

|

 **Tony Stark @ironman** replying to @parkours

I’m more curious about the “and grab some extinguishers”

|

**pbps @parkours**

in case there was an explosion

|

**Tony Stark @ironman**

if you think you’re helping yourself here, think again

**pbps @parkours**

help he’s threatening me

|

**remi @whitewidow**

the question remains, have you destroyed his lab station

|

**pbps @parkours**

i went there on holidays but he wasn’t there cause obviously interns had this time off and i was about to just go up to the ts-lab but quentin’s space is more homey?? so i just stayed there and worked a bit

|

**pbps @parkours**

but then i fell asleep and a few chemicals spend too much time boiling together and they slightly exploded?? i tried my best to clean it up but accidentally messed some things up in the meantime

|

**remi @whitewidow**

oop-

|

 **mf @strandfd** replying to @parkours

ok but the “bae” in the threat?? hello stranger

|

 **bucky stan @notavillain** replying to @parkours

the nameless quentin who gave us peter fun facts is back? i need more of him

**direct messages; Tony Stark & pbps**

**Tony Stark** So that Quentin Beck is the person you like?

 **pbps** yes alright

 **pbps** but leave it alone pLEASE

 **Tony Stark** Peter, he is finishing college soon and you’re a junior in high school

 **Tony Stark** Those are completely different places

 **pbps** yes he could never want me i know but thank you for reminding me :)

 **Tony Stark** That is not what I’m saying.

 **pbps** i’ll make sure to rationalize my feelings from now on :)

 **Tony Stark** Can you just come to the lab so we can talk face to face?

 **Tony Stark** Peter?

_You can no longer send Direct Messages to this person._

**pbps @parkours**

i wanna go to naples, italy rn please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i decided i wanted two minutes of drama between peter & tony because tony kinda disapproves of quentin and peter is dramatic so he won’t just talk it out but shut himself out,, ya know hEALTHY,, but it won’t last long prolly not even one whole chapter and that’s it


	14. sorry for the drama but ur welcome for the comedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pbps @parkours**  
>  i am sick and tired of not living in a utopia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i make pepper pregnant with morgan?? cause im like ‘yes i should’ but then ‘but should i really’ so what would you rather??? help

**pbps @parkours**

me sliding into ned’s dms with my new drama like

|

**ned @inthechair**

me giving peter advice like

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

the aca dec team trying to give peter advice like

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

i see no lies

|

**pbps @parkours**

them: do u take constructive criticism

me, already crying: sure whats up

|

**flash @fthompson**

too loud

|

 **tick tack @annielu** replying to @parkours

i'm in this tweet and i don't like it

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

|

**mf @strandfd**

that it right here

|

 **harley @conn3ct3d** replying to @parkours

ok but like are u okay?

|

**pbps @parkours**

yea just vibing

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

ur not “vibing” u are in severe psychological distress

|

**pbps @parkours**

jokes on y’all i am😎

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

what happened?

|

**pbps @parkours**

i am sick and tired of not living in a utopia

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

its 2pm and i just cried again lol that’s gross

|

**ned @inthechair**

facetime me

|

 **quentin @kubeck** replying to @parkours

what’s wrong?

|

**pbps @parkours**

nothing lmao im just being dramatic

|

**quentin @kubeck**

peter, if it makes you cry it’s important

|

**pbps @parkours**

ugh i just had a fight with mr stark and then blocked him and locked myself in my bedroom and im not looking forward to the confrontation

|

**quentin @kubeck**

do you want me to call you? or we can meet and talk?

|

**pbps @parkours**

no, i need to call ned now but thank you💞

|

**quentin @kubeck**

always

* * *

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

sorry, can’t. my flip flop made a farting noise near a beautiful girl w/gay sweatshirt so now i have to follow her around this target until it happens again and i can say “haha, dumb flip flop”

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

that’s pretty lesbian of you

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

ik thank you💕

|

 **flash @fthompson** replying to @ccandym

im sure u following her around for 10/15 minutes or so will leave much better impression, you go girl

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

[lawyer voice] the prosecution makes a compelling argument but have you considered *this*🖕

|

**b3tty @bbant**

woah that’s rude

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

sorry thats my emotional support lawyer voice

* * *

**direct messages; pbps & ned**

**pbps** i love my mom so much

 **ned** what did she do

 **pbps** said she’ll talk to anthony edward stark to lay off

 **ned** u still on calling him anthony edward stark

 **pbps** yea cuz im still pissed

 **pbps** he literally did a lot worse at my age and i just have a crush that im not even gonna act on…? like sit down anthony

 **ned** so r u just gonna ignore him or,,,

 **pbps** can’t

 **pbps** pepper said i have to communicate to clear the air and avoid misunderstandings and stuff,,

 **ned** that’s good tho

 **pbps** maybe idk i’ll worry when the time comes

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

hey guys sorry for the drama but youre welcome for the comedy sketch;)) im good now, just needed to live through the pain

|

**papi @deepstate**

hey you survived 2020, u can survive anything

|

**pbps @parkours**

kinda feel like 2020 was just a fever dream tbh

|

**bite me @tashqq**

i refuse to acknowledge the new year until the old one cleans up the mess it made

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @parkours

in 2 days ill be like *rollin up to my therapist on heelies with green tea in one hand and a donut in the other* yo susan guess what? i had a mental breakdance

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

uh huh i believe it’s called mental breakdown

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

and they actually don’t even call them that anymore, now i’s called a major depressive episode or sth like that

|

**pbps @parkours**

oh ok mr ive seen criminal minds 1x01 pilot

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

omg seriously reid said that to morgan how could i forget

**pbps @parkours**

when we open about anxiety people mark us as miserable but i’m not a miserable person - im an intense person. when i feel happiness or love i feel those things intensely - and i feel pain and fear intensely. (it’s the price of feeling)

|

**pbps @parkours**

don’t forget to just process being sad and cry when you need to💙💙

|

**oscar @goldenrings**

i had a period of time when i was numb to everything and now that im over-feeling things i love it (even if it makes me cry sometimes)

|

**spooder @spmnyc**

can everyone please read this

|

 **loki @snakeygod** replying to @parkours

preach

* * *

**bucky @jbbarnes**

still can’t believe peter’s cat has FOUR godparents and im not one of them

|

**pbps @parkours**

lol ur literally snuggling her to your chest rn what does it matter

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

oh it matters alright

|

**pbps @parkours**

….

|

**pbps @parkours**

do you want to be smoothie’s 5th godparent?

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

no. not anymore

|

**pbps @parkours**

??!

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

if you asked me when you adopted her, i’d be delighted. but now it just feels like pity

|

**pbps @parkours**

lol i learned how to be dramatic from u

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

beg to differ but whatever. talk to me when u get a new cat and are looking for godparents available cuz i apparently am

|

**pbps @parkours**

omg @TheFalcon come get ur mans

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

hey so who’s smoothie’s 4th godparent @parkours cause we only know ned, mj, and harry osborn

|

**pbps @parkours**

wanda

|

**pbps @parkours**

and it’s always funny how she has long hair and smoothie loves attacking them

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

who’s gonna watch “death to 2020” with me one two three

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

y’d u wanna remember this shit??

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

second that

|

**ned @inthechair**

sorry but same

|

**pbps @parkours**

betrayed, ok

|

**pbps @parkours**

its a comedy filled with sarcasm btw cuz yall prolly didnt even know

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

still not watching. i have put 2020 behind me and i am never looking back

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @parkours

i can’t now but if u watch it tell me later if it’s worth the time

|

**pbps @parkours**

k

**direct messages; pbps & quentin**

**pbps** hiiiiiiiii there

 **pbps** do u want to watch a movie with me

 **pbps** comedy

 **pbps** and the actress who played phoebe in friends is there??

 **pbps** full of sarcasm

 **pbps** (it’s called death to 2020)

 **pbps** do you even read twitter dms??

 **quentin** i do when i get 7 notifications in a row

 **pbps** great

 **pbps** so whats up

 **quentin** im at SI in the lab rn

 **quentin** so i’d need to finish up first

 **pbps** what r u working on

 **quentin** tangible interactions with aerial and volumetric graphics

 **quentin** except now im trying to make the aerial graphics bigger without losing their quality

 **pbps** oml that’s gonna be so cool!!

 **pbps** i can come down there as your emotional support fellow intern

 **quentin** sure, could use some of this

 **pbps** coming!!

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

*gently encouraging my browser to establish a secure connection*

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

*nurturing my browser with love and support*

|

 **tessi @cappeanut** replying to @inthechair

someone make Ned Appreciation account rn

|

**believe in NED supremacy @we_stan**

gotcha boo

|

**flash @fthompson**

can’t breathevjewrihuwr @inthechair

|

**ned @inthechair**

OMG U GUYS <333

|

**believe in NED supremacy @we_stan**

my idol saw my acc; what did yOU accomplish in your life

**rich boy @harryosborn**

wtf did ned get a stan account before i did???

|

**osborn jr: appreciation @oharold**

nah, we’re here babe

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

*speechless*-??? 💜💜💜

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

in conclusion “death to 2020” isn’t bad but it could be better

|

**god of storm @notfound**

what? it’s hilarous

|

**pbps @parkours**

yea it’s funny but the movie was supposed to be about 2020 in general but they just covered us & uk like??? there was so much more shit but i honetly dont remember them mentioning anything from non-english speaking countries

|

**pbps @parkours**

don’t get me wrong it was still good but i was disappointed at how much american/anglo-saxon centered it was

|

 **mf @strandfd** replying to @parkours

i remember them covering california fires, covid, blm and us election but that’s about it??

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @parkours

so not worth wasting 1h10m then?

|

**pbps @parkours**

i spent 1/3 of the movie throwing popcorn at @kubeck ’s head so knowing you no unless u’ll be sketching or something and the movie will be on as a background noise

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

k, thanks

**pbps @parkours**

btw i am still convinced that the actor samuel l jackson is just some shield undercover spy identity of one nick fury

|

**Fury Nicholas @NJFury**

Really, kid?!

|

**pbps @parkours**

won’t change my mind

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

love this theory

|

**pbps @parkours**

thank you i made it myself

|

**Fury Nicholas @NJFury**

Yeah. That’s really obvious, Parker.

|

**pbps @parkours**

nobody else would be brilliant enough to figure this out?

|

**Fury Nicholas @NJFury**

Nobody else would be dumb enough to assume such bullshit.

|

**pbps @parkours**

u love me & we know it grandpa

* * *

**direct messages; Tony Stark & pbps**

**Tony Stark** Hey, you alright?

 **pbps** yes

 **pbps** sorry for blocking you

 **pbps** that was childish ;/

 **Tony Stark** Can you get back to the penthouse?

 **Tony Stark** We should sit down and have a talk.

 **pbps** ugh im asexual i dont need a talk

 **Tony Stark** Not that kind of talk, kid, I didn’t need to think about that.

 **pbps** sorry

 **Tony Stark** I want you to talk to me about Quentin like you talked to Pepper? She said you expressed yourself really well and I should listen before jumping in?

 **pbps** oh ok

 **Tony Stark** But it is my job to look out for you and protect you so if sometimes you might not like me for it, I’ll take it as long as I managed to protect you.

 **Tony Stark** Except this time I’m hearing that I was the reason you got upset, and that’s the last thing I want.

 **pbps** im sorry too for not hearing you and explaining myself

 **pbps** im on my way up now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felt a little more serious but also didn’t want to make this completely depressing, hope it ended up ok  
> \+ should i make pepper pregnant with morgan?? cause im like ‘yes i should’ but then ‘but should i really’ so what would you rather??? help


	15. is this a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pink panther @wakandaforever**  
>  you will succeed. it is inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey do u have a fav character in this fic

**pbps @parkours**

wtf i need emotional support rn

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

what is up

|

**pbps @parkours**

gonna make a gc, gimme 1 sec

**group dm; this is an emergency**

_members; pbps, harley, ned, mj, rich boy, pink panther_

**pbps** help

 **pbps** im going on a date but i dont know if it’s actually a date

 **mj** huh?

 **harley** what

 **pbps** quentin asked me out but im not sure if he asked me out on a date or if that was more of a “hey let’s hang out dude” kinda thing??

 **pbps** and i dont want to show up thinking it’s a date if he didn’t mean for this to be a date

 **ned** OMGPETER YOURE GOIN ON A DATE W UR CRUSH!!

 **pbps** I DONT KNOW IF ITS A DATE NED!!

 **pink** **panther** on the beginning of the meeting go for a kiss and if he goes in as well - you know it’s a date.

 **pink** **panther** if he doesn’t - just quickly play it off as a joke and pat him on the back in a very manly style

 **rich** **boy** a genius of our times

 **pink** **panther** why thank you

 **pbps** this is a terrible advice

 **pbps** i wouldnt go for a kiss on the beginning of a first ‘date’ EVEN IF i knew it was a date

 **mj** coward but understandable

 **harley** nice to meet everyone btw

 **ned** hi!!

 **pbps** yall can play 20 questions later but can we take care of my ongoing crisis first please

 **rich** **boy** you always have ongoing crisis

 **mj** lmao he’s not wrong tho

 **ned** maybe tell us how he asked u out so we can determine whether it’s a date or a straight boys hang out

 **rich** **boy** straight boys hang out lmao there’s no such thing

 **harley** seriously straight bros r sometimes more gay than gays

 **rich** **boy** ^^

 **pink** **panther** so what happened peter b/c tbh i ship it

 **pbps** well we were in his lab and he was working

 **pbps** i was kinda helping and telling him how smoothie lowkey scared aunt tasha

 **mj** she what

 **pbps** and then he laughs, there’s a pause, and “hey r u free saturday afternoon?”

 **harley** the suspense, ya should go into writing books

 **pbps** and then i am like hell yeah um i mean sure i think so and he says that we spend 85% of our time in the lab so we should go out

 **pbps** and if i want to go to some restaurant grab some take-out and find a place to just sit and eat in peace ???

 **pink** **panther** it’s a date

 **rich** **boy** some fucking romantic picnic or some shit

 **ned** yeah❤️❤️

 **pbps** so he wants to grab takeout and yall deduct it a date???wtf

 **harley** yea it sounds really gay and i would know

 **rich** **boy** woah literally a gay standing right here thank you

 **mj** it’s a date, i asked him

 **pbps** you what?!

**mj**

**pbps** I CANT BELIVE YOUD SNJS

 **mj** at least now you know

 **pink** **panther** yall r dumb as bread really

 **ned** PETER ITS A DATE THO!!!

 **pbps** IK NOW IM FREAKING OUT EVEN MORE

 **mj** ur welcome

 **rich** **boy** and the queen keeps slaying

 **harley** do ya often have peter emergencies to deal with??

 **pink** **panther** yea at least once a week is a new one

 **mj** which is why you can see we’re over the chaos

 **rich** **boy** well except for ned but it’s ned so

 **mj** lol i think they went back to their private dm to keep freaking out

 **harley** what have i gotten myself into🤯

 **rich** **boy** lmao welcome to hell

 **pink panther** i personally think it’s entertaining

* * *

**busy appreciating peter stark @stan_pbps**

ok but like is peter okay @parkours, @conn3ct3d, @harryosborn, @inthechair, @blcdahlia ??

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

yea i think it’s me we should be worried about

|

**busy appreciating peter stark @stan_pbps**

why??

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

he was just officially dragged into peter-emergencies squad, rip the peaceful soul of harley

|

**tick tack @annielu**

what why is that a bad thing

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

because that gc is wild,, that peter boy is wILD

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

who are you btw because we’ve seen you around and it looks like tony knows you but we have no idea??

|

**elliot @tellme**

yea how do u know tony stark

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

he broke into my garage when i was a kid and i shot him with a potato gun

|

**elliot @tellme**

...?

|

 **stark(s) stan @bumvoila** replying to @conn3ct3d

i love that it sounds slightly insane but also like a thing tony totally would do

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

we need ominous positivity right here, right now.

|

**ned @inthechair**

you will be okay, you have no choice

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

everything will turn out fine. you cannot stop it

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

you will succeed. it is inevitable

|

**pbps @parkours**

happiness is coming. you can’t escape

|

**mf @strandfd**

👁👄👁

|

 **oscar @goldenrings** replying to @parkours

this is the thread i will come to when i need lifting up and motivation

|

**pbps @parkours**

that is all ive ever tried to accomplish🙏🏽

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

everyone say “💞💞💞!” to argentina for becoming the first country in latin america to legalize abortion after a landmark vote

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

lets celebrate but then also ask ourselves why are we celebrating the fact that someone is doing so little as respecting women and their bodies? how low have we sunk

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

Yes. Why the government - that is composed of mostly middle aged white men, should have a say about my body?

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

and its not like when abortion is legalized suddenly all pregnancies are gonna be terminated? but if it’s illegal people will still do it except in unsafe conditions

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

when are they all gonna understand abortion isn’t about KilLiNg cHiLdReN it’s about women having control over their own bodies

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @parkours

you aren’t a real man if you don’t respect women sorry buddy i didn’t make the rules

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

do not disturb me im busy staIking my own sociaI media profiles to see how i would be perceived by a stranger

|

**pbps @parkours**

i don’t look back at my tweets cuz i’d be hella embarrassed,,, and deleting half the stuff

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

i don’t look back at my tweets cause i’d be retweeting literally everything. i’m hilarious

**believe in NED supremacy @we_stan**

choose your fighter [@parkours, @jbbarnes]

|

**cinnamon assassin @sgtbarnes**

ok, first of all: how can you not have theme lights out or AT LEAST dim?

|

**pbps @parkours**

yea, how do u FUNCTION with ‘light’?? doesn’t it burn your eyes or something

**pbps @parkours**

just saw an account called “believe in NED supremacy” and was like ?? but i gave it a follow ‘cause i do believe in ned supremacy🤷‍♂️

|

**believe in NED supremacy @we_stan**

OML THANK YOU

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @parkours

who met ned and doesn’t believe in ned supremacy tho? speak now or forever hold your peace

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

one of the best nerds ive met

|

**ned @inthechair**

guys..❤️❤️ i love you

|

**there’s a bee @sixxtreno**

get you friends who will be hyping you up like this

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

sorry but you need to be like ned first, friends come later

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

ned is too precious to be copied tho sns

* * *

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

me: *takes hard classes*

classes: *are hard*

me: the audacity…

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

every stem kid ever, sorry i didnt make the rules

|

 **flash @fthompson** replying to @ccandym

stop coming for me

|

 **abe @thatisfalse** replying to @ccandym

ok but like,,, can you NOT attack me in the safety of my own home

|

 **kelLy @cantblvu** replying to @ccandym

valid but what if someone’s taking easy classes and they’re hard

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

girls trying to sell beauty products via instagram dm are the social media version of jehovah’s witnesses

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

do u have any time today to talk about our lord and savior of concealer

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

and suddenly i don’t know how instagram dms work

|

 **b3tty @bbant** replying to @wakandaforever

no sorry uh dms are broken

|

 **cindy ☽ @ccandym** replying to @wakandaforever

no you can’t come in, my dog is sleeping on the couch in the living room

* * *

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

I think Tones is only now just realizing that his son will become an adult soon and it is really funny from my perspective.

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

Oh, it’s not funny, it’s insufferable.

|

**tessi @cappeanut**

what’s up with peter??

|

**Col James Rhodes @IronPatriot**

He’s great. He’s becoming more mature, confident and independent with every day. Simply put - he is growing up and Tony wants him to be forever the innocent child.

**mags @c2mpbell**

lmao tony is exactly like my dad. he had some wild awakening about 6 month before my 18th birthday about “his sweet little child not needing him anymore” and started acting so protective and all almost like back when i was 10??

* * *

**direct messages; ned & pbps**

**ned** peter

 **ned** when you’re back from the date you need to tell me everything

* * *

**bucky @jbbarnes**

im babysitting smoothie cause peter is out and he’s a helicopter parent who won’t let her stay unsupervised

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

and she is living her best life

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

you’re not babysitting lol, wanda is. you just decided to co-babysit and she let you

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

go away

|

**papi @deepstate**

i love this

|

 **sally aww @arlielvril** replying to @jbbarnes

smoothie is so beautiful like ??? also her green eyes??

|

c **judd @lonestar** replying to @jbbarnes

ok but i would also like to get adopted by the stark family, just like smoothie

**bucky @jbbarnes**

oh she woke up

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

she’s drinking water now so let’s take this moment to remind ourselves it’s important to stay hydrated

|

**Sam Wilson @TheFalcon**

r u gonna live tweet the entire babysitting experience?

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

and what about it

|

 **sunflower widow @amieyst** replying to @TheFalcon

back off mr falcon, that is what we deserve

**bucky @jbbarnes**

you think i can’t see you trying to sneak up on me? well think again sweetheart

|

**there’s a bee @sixxtreno**

im sOFT

|

 **cats are liquid (proof) @liquidCats** replying to @jbbarnes

this is the content i need like,, winter soldier? babysitting a kitty? calling her sweetheart and such?? so sweet

* * *

**direct messages; pbps & ned**

**pbps** im back!!

 **ned** only now?

 **pbps** yea we lost track of time

 **pbps** it was just so comfortable to talk abt everything and it felt a lot more private than in the lab so only later we realized that it’s dark alreadybfelghi

 **ned** omg so where did you go

 **pbps** grabbed food and went to like this park but you could ride a car in there on legit and it was so nice and quiet there and we could see the lake?? like perfect spot why did i never know abt it before

 **pbps** and he brought a BLANKET

 **ned** oml

 **pbps** but we didnt sit on the grass but on the car’s hood and it was still warm from the engine

 **pbps** and after we ate we just lied down on the hood and the windshield and we looked at the sky or at each other sometiimes as we talked

 **pbps** i was freaking out b4 but then it was just so easy and calm and comfortable like it always is with Q

 **ned** so wholesome

 **ned** are you like boyfriends now??

 **pbps** idk i dont so? it was just like a first date right?

 **ned** having a date = dating

 **pbps** i think we’ll just go with the flow

 **pbps** next time i’ll be the one to ask him out and maybe after a few dates we’ll see

 **ned** YEA LIKE I WAS TELLING U THE WHOLE TIME 2 DO

 **pbps** eye-

 **ned** YOU WHAT

 **pbps** im breaking up

 **pbps** the signal-

 **pbps** it’s—

 **ned** be both know it doesnt work like that😭

* * *

**uh peter @parkours**

just opened my dms for one (1) hour, if you send me your 'join meeting' info i’ll crash your zoom classes lmao

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

hey i want in

|

**uh peter @parkours**

i’ll choose which classes and send you the info and we’ll crash it together

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

we can be just two students ignoring the teacher and then turn our audio on and start yelling to each other

|

**uh peter @parkours**

and we can do shit like washing the dishes with camera and audio on

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

and let’s play tic-tac-toe out loud

|

**uh peter @parkours**

yes i love u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can someone give me some feedback please i am emotional


	16. try me bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pbps @parkours** replying to @wakandaforever  
> do not dare to use the lord and savior Vine against me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly announcement that i love brie larson and carol danvers

**pbps @parkours**

been hanging out w/ aunt carol today, @hawkeyeofc was teaching us a bit archery at the compound 

|

**Carol Danvers @CptMarvel**

I’ve had an amazing day, already can’t wait to visit again!!

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

amazing?? ive never been this stressed out my entire life as i was today!!!!!!

|

**loki @snakeygod**

oof

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @hawkeyeofc

geez, one or two arrows go not in the direction they’re supposed to and ur making a big deal out of it already????

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

yes when tHE DIRECTION THEY’RE GOING IN IS MY SKULL

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

HOW DID YOU EVEN MENAGE TO DO THAT I WAS STANDING B E H I N D YOU

|

**pbps @parkours**

not to flex or anything but i am ✨gifted✨

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

gifted at being a clumsy dumbass

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

butterfingers 2.0

|

**pbps @parkours**

maybe so

|

**fe @ironmam**

i love how fast peter’s friends appear when there’s an opportunity to diss him

|

**f*ck ur chicken strips @mediumv**

mmm bullying at its finest

|

**pepperony @evfstaken**

lol its not bullying, its just a friendly banter

**pbps @parkours**

btw aunt carol is WORTHY ya fuckers

|

**‘point break’ @th4mm3r**

OMG MJOLNIROINI~SIUGW

|

**fatal creation @coltgoon**

is that the hammers legal name btw?

|

 **ale @revengers** replying to @parkours

those suits in the background!!!!!!!

|

 **Steve Rogers @CptAmerica** replying to @parkours

Peter, watch your language, please.

|

**pbps @parkours**

UR NOT MY DAD

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

yea watch your motherfuckin language

|

**pbps @parkours**

dead meme

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

fight me

|

**pbps @parkours**

with pleasure. tonight at midnight, wendy’s parking lot

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

which wendy’s

|

**pbps @parkours**

714 3rd ave, new york, ny 10017, united states

|

**pbps @parkours**

paste it to ur gps or sth

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

oh so u chose the one closest to avengers tower but i have to fly all the way from wakanda there??

|

**pbps @parkours**

yea sucks to suck doesnt it

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

i wont hesitate bitch

|

**pbps @parkours**

i cant believe uve done this

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @wakandaforever

do not dare to use the lord and savior Vine against me

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

what u gonna do

|

**pbps @parkours**

i have the power of god and anime on my side

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

🎵shut the f uup🎵

|

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

Shuri, that is enough.

|

**Tony Stark @IronMan**

yeah, just make up already kids

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

it is NEVER enough

|

**pbps @parkours**

u can take us away from vine but yOU CANT TAKE VINE OUT OF US

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

WE WILL NOT SURRENDER

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

they really said: WE DON’T CARE THAT U BROKE UR ELBOW

|

**Tony Stark @IronMan**

?????

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

What is happening?

|

**T’Challa of Wakanda @BlackPanther**

I quit.

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

im a bad bitch u cant kill me

|

**pbps @parkours**

and on all levels except physical i am a wolf

|

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**

please, stop

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

try me bitch

|

 **mr america @capcup** replying to @CptAmerica

u know its bad when cap doesn’t even start the tweet with uppercase letter anymore

**pbps @parkours**

BUT back to what is really important today: carol ‘avenger’ danvers aka captain marvel is worthy of lifting mjölnir aka ruling asgard

|

**pbps @parkours**

also unrelated breaking news: i would die for her

|

**mf @strandfd**

oh no please don’t

|

 **Tony Stark @IronMan** replying to @parkours

it’s cute that you think i would let you

|

 **stark(s) stan @bumvoila** replying to @parkours

you’re too precious for that:(

|

 **Carol Danvers @CptMarvel** replying to @parkours

live for me instead.

|

**pbps @parkours**

yes, ma’am

**sunflower widow @amieyst**

bisexual culture is having a crush on BOTH captains marvel & america

* * *

**mj @blcdahlia**

not sure if my appendix is about to rupture or if im just about to get my period but i’ll gamble

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

like fuck it hurts but theres a chance it will stop once and for all

|

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

U GIRLS EVER START CRYING ABT SOMETHING AND THEN GET UR PERIOD THE NEXT DAY AND UR LIKE YEA I KNEW I WASNT A WEAKASS BITCH

|

**b3tty @bbant**

period pain on the first day is literally near death experience

|

**amin @chohadry_**

Sorry but that’s natural, one do not need to advertise that, with no offense

|

**sally aww @arlielvril**

sorry but shut the fuck up, with no offense

|

 **natasha romanov @blackwidow** replying to @chohadry_

literally why would you think your opinion is relevant if you dont have a vagina and dont experience period pain every month

**pbps @parkours** retweeted with a comment

women’s bodies literally tear themselves apart and rebuild themselves monthly, u can’t even recover from losing a fifa match Amin so sit down. women amaze me ur bodies r so intelligent and u r so strong like how do people find periods gross did u do GCSE biology that is fascinating. ur amazing ladies!!

> **amin @chohadry_**
> 
> Sorry but that’s natural, one do not need to advertise that, with no offense

|

**there’s a bee @sixxtreno**

a babey🥺❤️

|

**busy appreciating peter stark @stan_pbps**

boys being feminists is the best look on them

|

**chloe saw spidey @wrabelstan**

also the bare minimum that i expect

* * *

**mela (13) @ppresent**

PETER STARK @parkours AND HARRY OSBORN @harryosborn CRUSHED MY ZOOM CLASS TODAY AND IT WAS BRILLIANT

|

**tessi @cappeanut**

omg im officially jealous

|

 **mela (13) @ppresent** replying to @ppresent

after 15/20 minutes of class my teacher looked at peter, didn’t recognize him as a student but narrowed her eyes and i guess she knew she knows him from somewhere(?) so he must be her student and she asked him “do you know...”

|

**mela (13) @ppresent**

and peter just answered “yes.” and went back to just sitting and looking at the notebook he had on his desk

|

**mela (13) @ppresent**

there was quiet for a moment, the students knew what was going on but the teacher just kept looking at him and harry nudged peter through his cam with “yo, dumbass!”

|

**mela (13) @ppresent**

peter looked up, turned to the teacher and two seconds later goes “ah, you wanted me to elaborate on that? alright, i’m sorry you haven’t specified that but i will be happy to–“ anD HE WENT ON LIKE 10 MINUTES EXPLAINING THE SUBJECT OF THE QUESTION?!!!

|

**mela (13) @ppresent**

and when he ended (because harry started honest to god yawning lmao) my teacher went “are you sure you’re my student?”

|

**remi @whitewidow**

lmao she knows the boy is too smart

|

 **mela (13) @ppresent** replying to @ppresent

so peter answers “well if i wasn’t that would be pretty stupid of me to show up here and waste my time?” and harry snorts at that and adds “besides, how would he even get the meeting ID and password?”

|

**stark(s) stan @bumvoila**

‘that would be pretty stupid of me’😭😭

|

 **mela (13) @ppresent** replying to @ppresent

\+ it killed me when we got to the end of class and she didn’t question HARRY being there AT ALL?? even though he kept saying stuff or sighing randomly she would just ask him to be quiet but like? she thought he was for sure her student?

|

**pbps @parkours**

omg thank you and your classmates for not outing us and just playing along haha! we loved it there but harry indeed was a little disappointed he was mostly ignored

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

AM I REALLY THAT AVERAGE

|

 **rogers stan @alltaken** replying to @ppresent

please tell me someone recorded it

**mocha_chino @oovoojaver**

.@parkours and @harryosborn crushed my class too and they just suddenly started playing tic-tac-toe using audio so my teacher quickly shut them up except then they muted their audio and continued playing by just showing each other their 3×3 grid (draw with a pencil in the notebook they were supposed to be taking notes in)

|

**mocha_chino @oovoojaver**

and when the teacher noticed they were doing that he told them to stop if they dont want detention (😭😭) so they stopped and peter almost fell asleep but then a few (short) minutes later harry un-muted his audio and in a voice like a whisper (except it was purposefully too loud to be a whisper) he said “peter check your messages i sent you clean grid to play”

|

**harshi @cptntrouble**

they are disASTERS

|

 **mocha_chino @oovoojaver** replying to @oovoojaver

so my teacher said “ENOUGH. stay after class you two.” and peter yells “RUN!” and him and harry are immediately gone

|

**mocha_chino @oovoojaver**

mr ***** was sitting there with the word ‘unbelievable’ written all over his face, just staring at the screen until some students started laughing so we explained to him then that those boys weren’t really in this class

|

**disaster pan @epancake**

how do these teachers not recognize 2 probably most famous teenagers at the moment?? peter was all over the media not that long ago

|

**mocha_chino @oovoojaver**

they were dressed pretty casually just like any other student there and they had just small images through webcams 🤷‍♀️

|

**gideon @cpgeegee**

plus i dont think any teachers are on a look out for celebrities in their online classes

|

**joey supreme @friendsfev**

except in the schools peter and harry attend lol

**72980 @aikruger**

if we’re sharing - peter and harry crushed my economics period and when my teacher was talking about the US situation rn, in the middle of her sentence peter goes *sigh* “sure, society is collapsing, but that’s no reason to do anything about it” in this incredibly bored/tired voice as if he lived 90 years on this earth already and had enough

|

**72980 @aikruger**

and before the teacher can answer harry says “nothing but flowers” but he said it in a completely different voice than peter,,, so enthusiastic (obviously both statements had this sarcastic sound about them as u can imagine)

|

**free tacoo- @thorsababe**

i adore two (2) future CEOs teenagers

* * *

**ned @inthechair**

software developers are people who have uncontrollable urges to show people better ways to do things

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

software developers are people who have uncontrollable disdain when faced with software that should provide a better way to do things, but does not.

|

 **sally aww @arlielvril** replying to @inthechair

the world ain't ready yet

|

 **rome smh @heysiri** replying to @inthechair

i feel attacked

|

 **caleb @bpl4tt** replying to @inthechair

i believe the term you are referring to is ‘obsessive compulsive disorder’

* * *

**group dm; this is an emergency**

**pbps** gUYS

 **pbps** OMG

 **pbps**!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, if you were guessing if i had my period while writing that 'period' part of the fic - you were in fact correct and for about two days i thought i was dying but then i remembered that appendix would hurt on the lower right side of my abdomen not the lower left
> 
> second of all, it ended with a little cliffhanger, because don't we all love them? (i don't actually when im reading but i realised that this fic didn't (?) have any cliffhangers before?? and it deserves at least one)


	17. busy chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **quentin @kubeck**  
>  forget nudes, @parkours send me your baby pictures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my anxiety was bad today and i needed to distract myself so i wrote this chapter sorry if its chaotic and messy

**group dm; this is an emergency**

**pbps:** gUYS

 **pbps:** OMG

 **pbps:** !!!!!!!!!

 **ned:** what what what

 **rich boy:** what is it

 **mj:**?

 **pbps:** first u need to promise not to tell ANYONE

 **harley:** sure

 **mj:** dont look at me

 **mj:** you are the 1 who’s terrible at keeping secrets

 **pbps:** im gonna be a big brother!!!!

 **pbps:** mom is pregnant✨✨

 **ned:** AAAAAA

 **harley:** woah

 **harley:** kinda thought the mechanic is past his reproduction age

 **pink panther:** i wish you to be a better big brother than mine is

 **pbps:** omg ur right

 **pbps:** what if im gonna be a terrible big brother

 **pbps:** ive never even held a baby before

 **ned:** you are an amazing brother to me and i just know you will be an amazing big brother to the baby

 **rich boy:** besides there’s still a long time to panic

 **mj:** i can buy u a book on being a brother if they have it for parents they should have something for siblings

 **pbps:** yeah i should really read something

 **harley:** are they gonna try to keep the pregnancy a secret?

 **pbps:** there will be an announcement but only when mom’s bump starts showing

 **rich boy:** reasonable

 **mj:** better to give an official statement than have every gossip magazine write different stories if they get the wind of the story

 **pbps:** yea so tell anyone even by accident and ill steal your kneecaps

 **harley:** damn tell me how you really feel

 **pbps:** i will protect this child with my life

 **ned:** uwu

 **pink panther:** lmao

 **pink panther:** peter: i will kill myself if necessary; ned: uwu

 **harley:** speaking of children…

**harley:**

**rich boy:** buba

 **pbps:** this is harassment

 **pbps:** hOW IN HELL DID U GET MY BABY PICS

 **mj:** adorable

 **harley:** in your own words ‘anthony edward stark is a snitch’

 **pbps:** what in hell would u 2 be talking abt for it to warrant my baby pictures

 **mj:** as if stark wouldnt just randomly show people photos of you/your projects or talk about you

 **pink panther:** tru dat

 **harley:** that was actually after your adoption

 **harley:** he texted that he ‘has a baby boy😭😭’ this was fucking hilarious

 **rich boy:** lol i should have a few little peter photos too in some folder on my computer

 **ned** **:** same

 **pink panther:** please send for later for threatening purposes

 **pbps:** NO

 **pbps:** @ harley look what diD YOU DO

 **harley:** i am enjoying it

 **pbps:** @ harry if u send even one pic i will disclose some informations about 2010-03-12

 **rich boy:** you wouldn’t dare

 **pbps:** i won’t hesitate bitch

 **rich boy:** what the fuck kyle

 **rich boy:** u promised not to tell

 **pbps:** hitler promised not to invade chechoslovakia, jeremy. welcome to the real world

 **mj:** so what happened 2010-03-12

 **rich boy:** i dont have little peter photos

 **pbps:** nothing happened

 **pink panther:** ned, my friend?

 **ned:** i forgot i also dont have any

 **mj:** WHAT SECRET R U SCARED OF SPILLING

 **harley:** cant believe i started this chaos lmao i love myself

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

hi im starting a kickstarter to get my brother put down

|

**rome smh @heysiri**

you have a brother???

|

**pbps @parkours**

yes i have many like @ ned brother from another mother or @ harry brother from another mother but this time it’s fucking harley who shines

|

**rome smh @heysiri**

oh right

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @parkours

.@conn3ct3d u bitch

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

whatdya just say

|

**pbps @parkours**

i said “u bitch”

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

wow i am being cyberbullied

|

 **harley @conn3ct3d** replying to @parkours

blocked

|

**pbps @parkours**

wait unblock me i have to tell you something important

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

…unblocked

|

**pbps @parkours**

u bitch

|

**mr america @capcup**

so if harley is peter’s brother then is he also tony’s son

|

**pbps @parkours**

one would assume so

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

well i had to get the smart brains and the amazing looks from someone

|

**Tony Stark @IronMan**

yes, he can be

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

and it obviously wasn’t anthony edward stark

|

**Tony Stark @IronMan**

No, he is not.

|

**bite me @tashqq**

lmao the fastest public statement correction

|

**free tacoo- @thorsababe**

from what little of him is visible on his tt icon harley actually looks like he could be related to peter and tony

|

**caleb @bpl4tt**

doesnt like 80% of white ppl look like they are related

|

 **pbps @parkours** replying to @thorsababe

i think a lot of you are forgetting that anthony edward stark didn’t actually give birth to me...?

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

no shit sherlock

|

**pink panther @wakandaforever**

yea we know it was pepper potts

|

**pbps @parkours**

SNOIFBASLREGTEUZ

|

**72980 @aikruger**

wait, so you’re NOT tony and pepper’s son?

|

**pbps @parkours**

i am but adopted

|

**Virginia Pepper Potts @SICEO**

And we love you to the moon and back, sweetie.

|

**Tony Stark @IronMan**

as if you were our own flesh and blood, Roo.

|

**fe @ironmam**

this shit is so sweet wtf

**cindy ☽ @ccandym**

.@parkours why r u planning to commit a homicide

|

**flash @fthompson**

and why so publicly

|

**pbps @parkours**

that must remain a secret

|

**ned @inthechair**

cause harley sent peter’s baby photos to our gc

|

**pbps @parkours**

wHY MUST U BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

|

**ned @inthechair**

it wasnt me i was hacked

**quentin @kubeck**

forget nudes, @parkours send me your baby pictures

|

**pbps @parkours**

AGGHHHH

|

**quentin @kubeck**

huh?

|

**pbps @parkours**

hey check out that sexual tension between your face and the wall

|

 **stark(s) stan @bumvoila** replying to @kubeck

lol i am here to join quentin’s fandom

* * *

**bucky @jbbarnes**

you visit my house and within moments i offer you strawberry shortcake. you decline but i put an entire cake on the table and begin cutting it. you are confused. it takes me 36 minutes to eat the entire thing alone and we do not speak

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

oh you like this tweet? well guess what buddy it's a fluke how do you feel now

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

joke's on you, while you're eating your shortcake i take my peanut butter long cake out of my pocket. we then consume them simultaneously. no talking

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

this is why i respect you

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

you two have a really weird friendship

|

**bucky @jbbarnes**

thank you

|

**clint barton @hawkeyeofc**

that wasn’t really a compliment

|

**natasha romanov @blackwidow**

it was

* * *

**abe @thatisfalse**

just got vaccinated, who wants to fucking hold my fucking hand

|

**charles @mblue**

can i hold your non-fucking hand instead tho

|

**abe @thatisfalse**

dumb question. no

|

 **abe @thatisfalse** replying to @thatisfalse

also one condition: you have to be vaccinated as well

* * *

**harley @conn3ct3d**

i love it when ppl are passive aggressively homophobic like “he literally never said anything about liking guys and you just assume he’s gay💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻? leave him alone” oHh im sorry karen did he come up to you and told you he’s straight or ARE YOU ASSUMING BASING ON YOUR HETERONORMATIVE VIEW OF THE WORLD

|

**maYa @l3monsm**

|

 **rich boy @harryosborn** replying to @conn3ct3d

yES THIS IS SO ANNOYING but who we talking about

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

someone just called ben platt gay icon in comments under one of his songs and ms karen literally attacked that comment

|

**harley @conn3ct3d**

and like i just died inside because literally his entire ‘sing to me instead’ album is one big coming out so EVEN THOUGH he’s openly gay she’s gonna try and claim him as heterosexual😭😭

|

**rich boy @harryosborn**

lmao imagine ben later reading comments and being like ‘i literally ate dick for breakfast today but go off i guess💅🏻💅🏻’

* * *

**direct messages; pbps & ned**

**pbps:** this just in

 **pbps:** Q and i kissed today

 **ned:** was that okay with u?

 **ned:** i know ur ace but i dont know too much abt it

 **pbps:** (ffr some ace ppl r repulsed by sex but some can enjoy it so rlly depends on the person)

 **pbps:** like im good with physical affection like cuddling or kissing

 **pbps:** also he asked me “can i kiss you?” ?????

 **ned:** a gentleman

 **pbps:** and in that moment my braincells shut off and i just managed “yes, please” like this was so sweet of him??

 **ned:** OMG

 **ned:** you had call me by your name moment

 **pbps:** oml ur right

 **pbps:** gonna freak out abt it later

 **pbps:** but i didn’t actually text you to give you my love life update

 **ned:** i love those updates

 **pbps:** bro🥺

 **ned:** bro❤️

 **pbps:** i have the best idea but i need ur help

* * *

**pbps @parkours**

lol ok go big or go home

|

**ned @inthechair**

go the biggest

|

**pbps @parkours**

will do

|

 **rogers stan @alltaken** replying to @parkours

what does that mean

|

 **mj @blcdahlia** replying to @parkours

it will end badly

|

**pbps @parkours**

you don’t even know what im gonna do??

|

**mj @blcdahlia**

true. however, i do know it will end badly.

* * *

**yfn spider-man @smparody**

let’s get this bread

|

**buckley @sp1d3rman**

oh hello there new spidey acc 👀

|

**tc @wallcrawler**

please tell me you will not leave this acc after about two (2) months like everyone else i cannot lose another fake spider-man🙏🏽

|

**nairobi @eprentiss**

yea we got some trust issues bro

|

**yfn spider-man @smparody**

i promise to be here til my dying breath😩

|

**tc @wallcrawler**

follow ✔︎

|

**yfn spider-man @smparody**

follow back ✔︎

* * *

**group dm; the holy trinity**

**emjay:** so what idea did u losers come up with during ur epiphany

 **nedward:** peter made a twitter for spider-man

 **yeeter:** except my @ isn’t official but parody

 **yeeter:** and i have a few followers already and theyre all into parody✨✨

 **emjay:** you do know you’re probably gonna out your identity?

 **nedward:** that’s why it’s not official :(

 **yeeter:** with this acc i can talk publicly abt spider-man business but nobodys gonna figure me out & dad won’t know abt it

 **emjay:** lol good luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf so much happened in this 1 chapter???  
> abt the _yfn spider-man @smparody_ account, i was missing not having spidey here so i decided that peter will make parody tt. actually started writing it as a separate fic when i remembered that it could fit in here?? and actually could give me fun things to do with it??

**Author's Note:**

> if you're on twitter you can follow me [@nnamefl](https://twitter.com/nnamefl) and comment your handle here or @ me on tt and i'll give you fback


End file.
